Here’s an unusual story: On January 8, a Florida mother drove about 540 yards with her son on the hood of her car. He had jumped onto the hood to keep her from driving off, and she thought that starting the car would prompt him to jump off and, incidentally, teach him a lesson.

It’s not clear whether the experience taught him anything, but he didn’t jump off, and she was arrested.

You can read the police report at this link: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/bad-parents/juvenile-hood-ornament-897631. Suggestion: Read the report, evaluate it, and then scroll down to read my comments.

Here’s what I thought when I read it:

Overall, this is a well-organized and thorough report. Most sentences are written clearly, in normal English.

Suggestions:

• Avoid unnecessary jargon. “Saw” is quicker to write than “observed”; “house” is better than “residence”; “told” is better than “advised.”
• Use “she” instead of repeating “Officer Guerra” and “Tojuana.”
• Avoid repetition. Take a look at these two sentences:

Winter Springs Code Enforcement Officer Terri Guerra, observed a black male juvenile male on top of a black Mazda while in movement on N Moss Road. Code Enforcement Officer Guerra advised over the radio the incident she was observing.  WORDY

It would be more efficient to write:

Winter Springs Code Enforcement Officer Terri Guerra radioed that she saw a black male juvenile male on top of a black Mazda moving on N Moss Road.  BETTER

Here’s a good rule of thumb: If a word or phrase doesn’t add anything useful, don’t use it.