Here’s a news report based on a police report. What details would need to be more specific in the actual report? (You do not need to  include the date, address, and the dog’s breed.) After you’ve made your list, scroll down to check your answers.

A dog attacked a police officer as responding to a disturbance Saturday, and the officer was forced to shoot.

The officer responded in reference to the report of a disturbance in progress. The officer made initial contact with a verbally hostile man later identified as 51-year-old John Doe.

The officer attempted to detain Doe in order to safely continue his investigation into the cause of the disturbance. While being handcuffed, Doe spun around and began to physically resist the officer’s lawful attempt to detain him. Both men went to the ground, and Doe continued to fight the officer. Doe’s dog also attacked the officer, biting his arm and holding on.

With one arm incapacitated by the attacking dog, the officer deployed his Taser in an attempt to subdue Doe, but in the struggle it appeared to be ineffective. A deputy arrived and was able to pull Doe off the officer and secure him in handcuffs. Doe’s dog continued to attack the officer, who was consequently forced to shoot the animal in order to get it to release its grip on his arm.

Further investigation revealed that Doe also appeared to have been the primary aggressor in the original altercation that generated the initial call. Doe was placed under arrest and transported to jail, where he was booked on the following charges and is currently being held on a total bond of $4,516.

Doe has been charged with one count of felony battery, misdemeanor battery, resisting an officer with violence and criminal mischief.

Here are the details that need to be more specific:

• disturbance in progress (what was the suspect doing?)
• the officer made initial contact (what did the officer say to Doe?)
• with a verbally hostile man (what did he say?)
• attempted to detain Doe (what did the officer do?)
• began to physically resist (what did Doe do?)
• in the struggle it appeared to be ineffective (how do you know?)
• appeared to have been the primary aggressor (how do you know?)

On January 19, Jets wide receiver Robby Anderson was arrested in Florida for driving violations. It was Anderson’s second arrest in Florida. You can read the story here. Last May he was arrested at a music festival for pushing a police officer. 

The entire report is posted here. It’s worth reading: concise, objective, thorough.

Here’s an excerpt:

The vehicle then slowed down to approximate 45mph at the red light for SR 84 Westbound before proceeding to run the red light. He then got into the left turn lane under the 595 overpass to go East on WR 84 which was also a red light. Once again he ran the light before continuing Eastbound on SR 84. Once eastbound the driver started to slow to a crawl, but then accelerated again to nearly 45mph.

I have a few quibbles. “Eastbound” should be lower case – it’s a direction, not the name of a specific place. There should be a space between 45 and mph. And passive voice found its way into the end of the report, as often happens: “Robert was arrested” (who arrested him?). “He was transported to BSO Jail” (who drove him there?). 

But there is much to admire here. Almost every sentence starts with a person (“He”) or thing (“The vehicle”), so it’s usually clear who did what. The attention to detail is impressive. When an officer can describe an offense so accurately, a defense attorney may be reluctant to challenge the arrest.

Well done!

On January 4, a woman passenger on a Spirit Airlines flight reported that she was sexually assaulted while the plane was in the air. She immediately told flight attendants what had happened.

Federal agents met the plane when it landed and took the suspected assailant into custody. You can read the story here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/revolting/another-in-flight-attack-149527

It’s worth taking a few moments to visit the link and read the affidavit posted there. The FBI agent who handled the case is an excellent writer. The affidavit features normal, straightforward language. Special Agent Kyle Dodge used “I,” “me,” “she,” “her,” and other ordinary words, and he wrote in active voice. Here’s an example:

She fell asleep leaning against a window. She woke up to a hand in her pants and noticed that her pants and shirt were unbuttoned.  EXCERPT FROM THE AFFIDAVIT

It’s not difficult to write the kinds of sentences required for police reports if – and it’s a big if! – you care about writing clearly. Trouble begins when you decide that everyday language isn’t good enough. The more you try to puff up your sentences, the more writing problems you’re going to have.

Congratulations to Special Agent Kyle Dodge for an excellent affidavit. 

If you’re an officer who’s hoping to make your mark in the criminal justice field, you need to think about ways to sharpen your writing skills. Career advancement always requires good writing skills!

One tool you should think about is editing software. Some services are free, while others charge a subscription fee. My friend Chuck Warren sent me an article that lists 11 editing tools and describes how they work: “Instantly Improve Your Writing with These 11 Editing Tools.”

I recommend reading the article and thinking about using one of these editing tools to look for errors in your written work. These electronic tools can be especially valuable when you’re taking college courses or working on an important report for your agency.

Computer software tools can’t think like humans, of course! For example, most editing tools can’t spot a word that’s spelled correctly but used incorrectly (your/you’re, its/it’s). And sometimes they’re not as smart as we are! The grammar checker on my computer sometimes nags me to fix a sentence that I know is perfectly ok.

Still – spellcheckers, grammar checkers, and other editing tools are a great boon to writers. (The tools on my home computer have saved me from many embarrassing errors!)

Here are some tips:

• If your work-issued laptop doesn’t have a spellchecker or a grammar checker, consider writing your reports on a PC first. Run your finished piece through the spelling and grammar checks, and then copy it onto your laptop.
• Consider using a free editing tool – or subscribing to one.
• Don’t assume that everything the computer says is right. When in doubt, ask a friend for a second opinion.