Category Archives: What’s New

Editing Software

If you’re an officer who’s hoping to make your mark in the criminal justice field, you need to think about ways to sharpen your writing skills. Career advancement always requires good writing skills!

One tool you should think about is editing software. Some services are free, while others charge a subscription fee. My friend Chuck Warren sent me an article that lists 11 editing tools and describes how they work: Instantly Improve Your Writing with These 11 Editing Tools.”

I recommend reading the article and thinking about using one of these editing tools to look for errors in your written work. These electronic tools can be especially valuable when you’re taking college courses or working on an important report for your agency.

Computer software tools can’t think like humans, of course! For example, most editing tools can’t spot a word that’s spelled correctly but used incorrectly (your/you’re, its/it’s). And sometimes they’re not as smart as we are! The grammar checker on my computer sometimes nags me to fix a sentence that I know is perfectly ok.

Still – spellcheckers, grammar checkers, and other editing tools are a great boon to writers. (The tools on my home computer have saved me from many embarrassing errors!)

Here are some tips:

  • If your work-issued laptop doesn’t have a spellchecker or a grammar checker, consider writing your reports on a PC first. Run your finished piece through the spelling and grammar checks, and then copy it onto your laptop.
  • Consider using a free editing tool – or subscribing to one.
  • Don’t assume that everything the computer says is right. When in doubt, ask a friend for a second opinion.

The Run-On Sentence Problem

A run-on sentence is a serious writing problem that every officer wants to avoid. So…how do you know you’ve written a run-on, and how can you fix one that finds its way into a report you’ve written?

First, a definition. A run-on is a sentence that needs a period. Here’s an example:

I knocked on the door Sam Clinton opened it.  RUN-ON

It’s still a mistake if you try to fix it with a comma:

I knocked on the door, Sam Clinton opened it.  RUN-ON

You can always fix a run-on sentence with a period. Here’s the corrected sentence:

I knocked on the door. Sam Clinton opened it. CORRECT

*  *  *  *  * 

Don’t be fooled into thinking that every long sentence is a run-on. That’s not true. For example, although the sentence you’re reading right now is too long, in my opinion, there’s no place where it needs a period, so in grammatical terms it’s not a run-on.

How can you avoid writing a run-on sentence? I think you can answer that question yourself: Use a period when you come to the end of a sentence. Don’t take a breath and keep going!

Charlene talked quietly to Mrs. Wilson I took Mr. Wilson into the dining room.  INCORRECT

Charlene talked quietly to Mrs. Wilson. I took Mr. Wilson into the dining room. CORRECT

Here’s another don’t-be-fooled tip: Don’t put a comma at the end of a sentence. Use a comma at the end of an extra idea. Use a period at the end of a sentence.

While Charlene talked quietly to Mrs. Wilson, EXTRA IDEA

While Charlene talked quietly to Mrs. Wilson,  I took Mr. Wilson into the dining room. CORRECT

(Comma Rule 1 can be a huge help with this issue. Click here to learn more.)

Everything you say or write is either an extra idea (with a comma) or a sentence (with a period). Practice hearing the difference, and you’ll see a huge improvement in your sentences. That’s a guarantee!

Prepositional Phrases

Many criminal justice writers are wary when they hear the term “prepositional phrase.” It’s got to be hard, right? After all, “prepositional” is a five-syllable mouthful of a word.

Well, there’s good news and bad news. Bad news first: Many writers make mistakes when they write a sentence containing a prepositional phrase.

The good news? There’s an easy rule that will keep you out of trouble. And here’s even better news: there’s also an easier rule that works maybe 99.5% of the time.

Let’s get started.

Prepositions are small, everyday words that indicate direction or purpose. The English language has dozens of them. For now, let’s stick to six: in by for with to of. These are the most common prepositions, and you don’t have to memorize any others. (Surely you can memorize six little words, right? in by for with to of)

Prepositions are rarely used by themselves. You wouldn’t say “I went skiing with.” Expressions like “with Mary,” “to the store,” “for a wedding gift, “by myself” and so on are prepositional phrases.

There are a couple of general rules of thumb for writing a sentence with a prepositional phrase that work really well. Take your pick! Either one will help you get your sentences right.

  • When you’re doing the grammar of a sentence, skip the prepositional phrase.
  • Go to the beginning of the sentence.

Maybe once or twice a year you’ll come across a sentence that works differently. That means most of the time you can use one of these rules, and you’ll be fine. (If you’re curious about the exception, click here and read Rule 6.)

Let’s try a couple of examples.

The bookcase with the glass doors (need, needs) to be emptied and moved.

What will you be emptying and moving? The glass doors or the bookcase?

The obvious answer is the bookcase! (You can either go to the beginning of the sentence (bookcase) or cross out “with the glass doors.”)

So here’s your sentence:

The bookcase with the glass shelves needs to be emptied and moved. CORRECT

Another one:

Misunderstanding of department policies (have, has) caused many problems recently.

What caused the problems – department policies or misunderstanding?

The obvious answer is misunderstanding! Again, you can either go to the beginning of the sentence (misunderstanding) or cross out the prepositional phrase “of departmental policies.”

So here’s your sentence:

Misunderstanding of department policies has caused many problems recently. CORRECT

To learn more about writing a sentence with a prepositional phrase, click here and read Rule 4.

 *  *  *  *  *

One more thought: There’s a reason why writers often have difficulty with prepositional phrases. Most people aren’t used to thinking about parts of sentences. It’s not a normal activity. (When was the last time you found yourself thinking, “Hey! That was a prepositional phrase!’?)

You’re learning a new skill. Be patient with yourself, and keep reviewing and practicing. After a while it will become second nature. That’s a promise!

Dictionary definition of a preposition

 

More Police Jargon to Avoid in Reports

Here are more examples of outdated police jargon and confusing expressions you should avoid in your reports. (Click here to see the previous list.)

abovementioned

This old-fashioned, time-wasting word needs to be stored permanently in the attic. Use “this” or, better yet, repeat the name or information.

The abovementioned suspect is now in custody. WRONG

Langford is now in custody. CORRECT

advise

Advise refers to giving advice. If you use it that way, advise is a fine word. But don’t use it as a synonym for “tell.”

I advised her to seek medical attention for the cut on her arm. CORRECT

I advised her that I would be returning the next day.  WRONG

I told her that I would be returning the next day. CORRECT

affect

Affect is a useful verb meaning “to change.” [Much less commonly it’s also a noun that means emotion.] So why should you avoid affect? Two reasons.

First is the risk of confusing affect and effect. Why take a chance? If you mean change, that’s the word you should write.

I couldn’t affect his decision, so I stopped arguing.  RISKY

I couldn’t change his decision, so I stopped arguing. SAFER

A more serious problem with affect is that it’s vague. It’s better to choose a word that indicates whether the change was for the better or the worse.

The new schedule affected morale.  VAGUE

The new schedule improved morale. BETTER

Rainy days always affect my mood.  VAGUE

Rainy days always make me feel gloomy. BETTER

being that

Never use this clumsy expression. Use because instead.

[Incidentally, being is a perfectly good word that can, however, gum up a sentence. Use it with care.]

I smelled alcohol on his breath

A defense attorney can get you on this one. Alcohol is odorless and tasteless. Say that you smelled “alcoholic beverage” on his breath.

residence

Vague. Use home, condominium, apartment, mobile home.

blue in color

Professional writers avoid wasting time with empty words. “In color” doesn’t add anything, so don’t use it.

The suspect was wearing a shirt that was blue in color.  EMPTY WORDS

The suspect was wearing a blue shirt.  BETTER

the month of September

Same problem. When is September not a month?

They were married in the month of September.  EMPTY WORDS

They were married in September. BETTER

Police Jargon to Avoid in Reports

Today we’re going to begin focusing on police jargon and confusing expressions you should avoid in report writing. There are three advantages to avoiding these words. First, you’ll sound more up-to-date and professional. Second, your reports will be more specific. Most important, you’ll be more efficient.

Think about it! Saving a few seconds when you type a word doesn’t sound important. But over a year you may type thousands and thousands of words. Those seconds add up! And you’re also making life easier for everyone who reads your reports.

Here’s today’s list:

Ascertained

This clumsy word has two strikes against it. First, it’s archaic. Second, it doesn’t explain how you acquired the information. Better choices are “saw” or “heard.”

Affirmative

“Yes” works better.

At the present time

Use “now” instead – (better yet!) or just leave it out. There’s no difference between “He’s now awaiting trial” and “He’s awaiting trial.”

Baker Acted (as in “I Baker Acted him.”)

This is police jargon and out of place in a professional report. Substitute “I started Baker Act proceedings” or “I took her into custody under the provisions of the Baker Act.”

Contacted

This is too vague for a professional report. In fact it could cause problems in court later on, if you forget exactly how you got in touch with the person. Be specific: I phoned her, I visited him, I emailed her, I taped a note on his office door.

Endeavor

Substitute “try.”

Expedite

Substitute “hurry” or “speed up.”

If and when

Substitute “if,” which covers both words.

In close proximity to

Substitute “near.”

In order to

Substitute “to.”

The Death of Vanessa MacCormack

Police are investigating the violent death of Vanessa MacCormack, a 30-year-old wife, mother, and teacher who was found dead at home on September 23. Her husband has been charged with her death. Text messages, financial information, and testimony from a drug dealer are factors in the case.

You can read the police report (it’s lengthy) at this link: http://www.masslive.com/news/boston/index.ssf/2017/09/read_police_report_on_investig.html

The police report is thorough, objective, and professional. But it’s always a good idea to think about possible improvements.

What do you think of this sentence?

He was visibly distraught, was crying and hyperventilating, and had his shirt off and over his head.

My suggestion: delete “visibly distraught,” which is an opinion. The rest of the sentence is objective and appropriate for a police report.

Now take a look at these two paragraphs:

Officer Duca stated that he spoke with a firefighter on scene who advised him that EMT’s were inside the home, and that it may be a possible suicide.  In the opinion of all officers who viewed the victim’s body, the degree of violence to her head made suicide an unrealistic possibility.

Officer Duca stated that as he entered the residence he could smell a strong odor of bleach, Officer Duca stated that he walked through the living room and into the kitchen and he observed two additional firefighters in the hall, in front of a bedroom He walked to the bedroom door and observed the victim lying on the floor face up. near the threshold covered in blood. The victim was later identified as VANESSA MACCORMACK, the wife of ANDREW MACCORMACK.

My comments:

  • There’s a lot of time-consuming repetition.
  • Opinions about whether it was suicide or homicide do not belong in a police report. Very likely the medical examiner will be giving an expert opinion on the manner of death.
  • “Advised” is police jargon – and confusing. Nobody was giving advice to Officer Duca. Use “told.”

Here’s how the information could be written more efficiently – without omitting anything important:

Officer Duca stated that a firefighter on the scene told him that EMT’s were inside the home. As Officer Duca entered the home, he smelled a strong odor of bleach. He saw two more firefighters in the hall, in front of a bedroom. He stood in the bedroom doorway and saw the victim lying on the floor face up, near the threshold. She was covered in blood. She was later identified as VANESSA MACCORMACK, the wife of ANDREW MACCORMACK.

The original statement (in green) is 131 words; the second version (in blue) is 79 words – 40% shorter. (I’m not sure it’s necessary to record the locations of the three firefighters, but that’s a matter for agency administrators to decide.)

Now think about this: The entire report about the Vanessa MacCormack investigation is 15 pages long. Imagine the saving in time, energy, and effort if it could be written 40% more efficiently. That would be 9 pages instead of 15.

More and more agencies are advocating that kind of efficiency, for good reasons. There is no benefit to writing – say – “the month of September” when “September” does the job just as well. “For the purpose of” can be rewritten as “for” (that’s an 80% saving!). Many phrases and sentences can be shortened the same way.

Of course it’s important to write effective, accurate, and thorough police reports. But what’s the advantage in making a report almost half again as long as it needs to be? If you’re not adding anything useful, that’s time and energy that could be invested in other police priorities.

What about you? Do you strive to write your reports efficiently?

An Assault with a High-Heeled Shoe

On September 13, police were called to a bikini contest in Stuart, Florida, to investigate a crime involving a high-heeled shoe. One of the contestants claimed that another contestant assaulted her with a shoe. You can read the police report at this link: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/case-dropped-against-accused-bikini-brawler-809324

Overall this is a well-written report. Today I’m going to recommend two changes in one of the paragraphs. Read it yourself to see if you can spot the changes:

Shipley yanked on her arm trying to take her down to the ground. Mize stated she could not get her to leave her alone so she pushed her away. Mize advised when she swung her arm her shoes hit Shipley but did not know where they made contact with her. Mize then ran to her mother because she did not want to fight.

My comments:

 1.  This officer is trying too hard to be sophisticated: Mize stated, Mize advised. Police reports should be straightforward and efficient. Just use said. (If you open up a newspaper, you’ll see that every quote begins with “said.” There’s never any variation, even though “said” may be used thousands of times each day.)

What officers should never do is substitute advise for said. Advise means “counsel” or “suggest.” Trying to make advise mean “said” sets up your report for confusion – and makes a bad impression on anyone outside law enforcement who reads your report. (“Huh? The officer doesn’t know what advise means?”)

2.  She and her are tricky words when there are two women in a sentence:

Mize stated she could not get her to leave her alone so she pushed her away.

I would repeat the names to eliminate any chance for confusion:

Mize stated she could not get Shipley to stop. So Mize pushed Shipley away.

I have one more suggestion. When all the information comes from one person, use a simple list:

Shipley yanked on her arm trying to take her down to the ground. Mize said:

  • She could not get Shipley to leave her alone
  • Mize pushed Shipley away
  • When Mize swung her arm, her shoes hit Shipley
  • Mize did not know where they made contact with Shipley
  • Mize ran to her mother because she did not want to fight

 

Three Tips for Solving Writing Problems

What should you do if you’re an officer who has an uneasy feeling that your writing needs improvement? Or if you’re an instructor or a supervisor who’s worried about a recruit or officer’s writing?

Many times the solution is simpler than you might think. Here are three pieces of advice that can go a long way to solving writing problems:

  1. Slow down.
  2. Simplify.
  3. Seek out a writing partner.

Can these simple steps really make a difference? Yes. I’ve seen for myself how they can turn an officer’s writing around.

Still skeptical? Read on as I explain these three steps.

1.  Slow down.

Many writing mistakes are the result of carelessness. I’ve read breathless reports with missing periods and capital letters. Reports written in a hurry are full of garbled sentences, spelling errors, and diction problems (“I seen blood on her blouse and called for a EMT”).

When I meet with the officers who make these errors, it’s obvious that they know better. Often there’s an embarrassed laugh when they see for the first time the kinds of reports they’ve been writing. Could those officers have caught – and fixed – the mistakes before submitting those reports? In most cases, the answer is yes.

Whenever possible, type your reports first in a word processor that can check your spelling and grammar. Use a dictionary if you get confused by word pairs like your/you’re, it’s/its. NEVER submit a report until you’ve checked to make sure it’s right. So…slow down!

2.  Simplify

You’re not in English class any more! Forget about the advanced vocabulary words and complicated sentences you tried to write in school. Police reports are supposed to be efficient and straightforward. That means short sentences that start with a person, place, or thing. You won’t need fancy punctuation, and you’ll avoid clumsy sentences and awkward syntax. Plain writing can help you avoid countless errors.

3.  Seek out a writing partner.

A second pair of eyes can help you ensure an error-free report almost every time. Your writing partner doesn’t have to be an English whiz. Choose someone you trust who has a commitment to professionalism.

Writing partnerships are especially important if English isn’t your first language. Writing well isn’t just about rules: you need to master all the quirks that make English such an interesting language – and such a difficult one.

You’ll also need a writing partner if you had difficulty with writing assignments in school. Many people – not just officers! – find it hard to make the transfer from conversation to writing. A partner can show you how to fix awkward wording and how to avoid common mistakes.

And that’s it! Any officer can apply these three steps immediately – and quickly see a big improvement. Are you going to get started today?

 

Writing a Complete Report

Below are excerpts from two versions of the same police report. (To save time, I’m not using the entire report.) Which one is more complete? (Think of an officer answering questions at a court hearing. Which version is more likely to be challenged by a defense attorney?)

Version 1:

I was dispatched to Lindsey’s Bar & Grill on 30 Jefferson Road to deal with a fight in progress. I went inside and saw a man (Juan Garcia, DOB 8/23/1995) pinned against the wall.  Another man (Paul Winston, DOB 3/14/1993) had positioned his hands around Garcia’s neck. I told Winston to let Garcia go, and I told the two men to sit down in opposite sides of the room. I talked to the bartender (Janice Fields), who told me she had called 911 when the fight started.

Garcia told me he arrived at the bar at about 7:30 pm. Several patrons were complaining about immigrants. Garcia became angry because he’s an immigrant himself. Winston was talking loudest, so Garcia told him to “shut up.” Winston grabbed him by the neck and held him against the wall. Bar patrons saw it all happen but did nothing.

Version 2:

I was dispatched to Lindsey’s Bar & Grill on 30 Jefferson Road to deal with a fight in progress. I was wearing full uniform and driving a marked vehicle. I parked on the west side of Lindsey’s Bar & Grill. Upon my arrival I went inside and saw a man (Juan Garcia, DOB 8/23/1995) pinned against the wall.  Another man (Paul Winston, DOB 3/14/1993) had positioned his hands around Garcia’s neck. Upon seeing this, I advised Winston to let Garcia go, and I advised them to sit down in opposite sides of the room. After I had told the two abovementioned men to sit down, I talked to the bartender (Janice Fields), who told me she had called 911 when the fight started.

I questioned Garcia first. I asked him when he arrived at the bar. He replied that he had arrived at about 7:30 pm. I asked him what happened next. He advised me that  several patrons were complaining about immigrants. Upon hearing what they were saying, he became angry. During the conversation he noticed that Winston was talking loudest, whereupon he he told Winston to “shut up.” Winston became incensed, grabbed Garcia by the neck and held him against the wall. During this incident patrons of Lindsey’s Bar & Grill saw Winston grab Garcia but did nothing.

_________________________________________________________

Version 2 is longer than Version 1 – about 50% longer, in fact (219 words versus 145 in Version 1).

But does Version 2 contain 50% more information? No. the facts and details in both versions are exactly the same. You would think that a longer report might plug some holes that a defense attorney could use to his or her advantage. But that’s not true in this case.

The real difference between the two versions is empty, time-wasting filler:

  • If you were dispatched to a call, obviously you were in uniform and driving a service vehicle.
  • In this situation, it doesn’t matter where you parked.
  • Transitional words like “whereupon,” “during the conversation,” “abovementioned,” and “during this incident” don’t add anything useful.
  • There’s no need to state your questions. In most situations, all that’s needed is the information you heard from a suspect, victim, or witness.

And here’s something that might surprise you: Version 2 actually gives a defense an opportunity to challenge the officer’s handling of the case. The problem is the word advise (beloved of police officers, who mistakenly think it makes them sound smart and professional):

Upon seeing this, I advised Winston to let Garcia go, and I advised them to sit down in opposite sides of the room.  MISUSE OF ADVISE

Advised means “suggest” or “counsel” (even though cops insist on using it as a synonym for “told”). So a defense attorney could argue that you only suggested that Winston let go of Garcia…with serious results if a suspect refuses to obey your orders.

_________________________________________________________

Let’s go back to my earlier point: Version 2 is 50% longer than Version 1. Think of all the reports you write in a week – a month – a year. Can you justify making your reports half again as long for no purpose? Or…do you want to start thinking about ways to write more efficiently?

How to Use “However” in a Sentence

I see lots of mistakes in sentences with however. In fact I’m always tempted to send a congratulatory email when I spot a correct “however” sentence in a police report – it’s that unusual.

Take a look at this paragraph from a recent report:

Wichita Police say recent posts on social media reporting alleged kidnapping attempts are not valid, however confusion over the social media posts led to confrontation that happened around 7 p.m. on Thursday, August 4 at Towne East Mall, located in the 7700 block of east Kellogg.  22-year-old woman recognized a 37-year-old woman who had been accused on Facebook of kidnapping. Police urged the public to check with law enforcement before sharing and acting on Facebook accounts of alleged crimes.

We’re going to focus on this sentence:

Wichita Police say recent posts on social media reporting alleged kidnapping attempts are not valid, however confusion over the social media posts led to confrontation that happened around 7 p.m. on Thursday, August 4 at Towne East Mall, located in the 7700 block of east Kellogg.

That’s a long sentence, and it’s crammed with information – too much information. “One idea per sentence” is a good rule for any writer, and it’s especially appropriate for police reports. Give up the idea of writing like Charles Dickens! Short, crisp, and clear sentences are the order of the day.

But what interests me most is the word however. Here’s a simple principle for you: Use a period and a capital letter. (NEVER use a comma.)

Wichita Police say recent posts on social media reporting alleged kidnapping attempts are not valid. However confusion over the social media posts led to confrontation that happened around 7 p.m. on Thursday, August 4 at Towne East Mall, located in the 7700 block of east Kellogg.  CORRECT

If you really want to write like a pro, put a comma after however:

However, confusion over the social media posts led to confrontation that happened around 7 p.m. on Thursday, August 4 at Towne East Mall, located in the 7700 block of east Kellogg.  CORRECT

Let me make one more suggestion. I’ve rarely use however in my own writing. It’s a stuffy word. I find that sentences with but are more natural and easier to read:

But confusion over the social media posts led to confrontation that happened around 7 p.m. on Thursday, August 4 at Towne East Mall, located in the 7700 block of east Kellogg.  BETTER

But can you start a sentence with but? Yes. Despite what you may have been told, there is not and never has been a rule against starting a sentence with but. It’s an urban myth. If you look at the books, magazines, and newspapers in your home, you’ll find that they all feature sentences starting with but. You can read more about but (you might be surprised!) at this link.