On August 3, Theodore Gunderson ordered a salad at a Wendy’s drive-through window. The salad didn’t have enough cucumbers to satisfy him.  Gunderson threatened an employee and then tried to drive away. An officer reached into Gunderson’s car to take the car keys. Gunderson kept driving, despite the danger to the officer.

Gunderson was arrested for assaulting a police officer. You can read the police report here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/wendys-cucumber-rage-arrest-792854

Overall this is a well-written report – but a few changes might be helpful.

1. These sentences lack objectivity:

The Defendant used obscene language with the employee (victim), and threatened him by saying “If I had a gun or a knife you would be the first to go”. The victim was scared for his life.  SUBJECTIVE

Police reports are supposed to stick to observable facts. They can’t describe thoughts, feelings, or conclusions. Instead of mentioning obscene language, the report should simply record Gunderson’s exact words. (Remember that what one person considers obscene, another person might consider acceptable.)

There’s a similar problem when the report states that Gunderson threatened the employee: that’s an opinion. Perhaps another person in that situation wouldn’t have felt threatened. The report should record only the threatening words from Gunderson.

The same problem arises with this sentence: “The victim was scared for his life.” How do you know he felt that way? It would be better to write, “The victim told me that he was scared for his life.”

 2. Like many reports, this one lapses into passive voice near the end:

After he lowered the window he was advised he was not free to leave and was being placed under arrest.  PASSIVE VOICE

Who warned him not to leave, and who arrested him? The report doesn’t say. Every sentence in a report should include the name of the person (victim, suspect, witness, or officer) who performed the action. Here’s a useful tip: Start every sentence with a person, place or thing. (That’s probably not how your English teacher wanted you to write your compositions, but it’s great advice for report writing!)

My conclusion: this is a concise and professional report that could benefit from a few changes. 

Today’s topic is efficiency. Bear with me for a moment while I make a detour to talk about Dennis the Menace! Hank Ketcham based this delightful comic strip on his real-life family: wife Alice and son Dennis.

But Ketcham made one change when he created the strip. Although the real Alice was a brunette, Ketcham drew her as a blonde. The reason? In a black-and-white comic strip, brunettes require ink, but blondes don’t. Ketcham saved himself hours and hours of labor because he didn’t have to color Alice’s hair.

I found myself thinking about Hank Ketcham’s pen while I was reading a police report about a bizarre case involving a drug dealer. A Florida man called police to report the theft of cash and a small bag of cocaine. He immediately told police he was a drug dealer, and of course he was arrested. (The investigating officer saw another plastic bag of white powder in the car, and it turned out to be cocaine.) You can read the complete report here.

So what’s the connection to Hank Ketcham? Here it is: This report (which is excellent, by the way – be sure to read it) substitutes Your Affiant for the simple words I and me no less than seven times.

I’m assuming that’s the agency’s policy, and I’m wondering why. I’m also wondering if anyone there has thought about much time is wasted over a year writing “Your Affiant” – 11 letters – instead of “I” – one letter.

Here’s an example:

At that time Your Affiant was able to place hand restraints on Blackmon.

My version:

I placed hand restraints on Blackmon.

Those unnecessary words add up to a lot of wasted time! Here’s another example:

Based on the aforementioned information…

Why not just say “Based on this information”?

Efficiency is hugely important in a busy police agency. As you think about local policies and your own reports, you should always be looking for ways to eliminate time-wasting words and expressions.

Law enforcement experts are very aware of privacy concerns about police reports.

No one is surprised that some lawbreakers quickly become famous. But what about the victims? Should their names be made public? And what about people who have been injured in an accident or crime? US privacy laws require that health information should be a private matter. Does that legal principle also apply to police reports? 

West Bridgewater Police Chief Victor Flaherty recently released a police report about a May 28 car crash – with the names of the driver and victim blacked out. Robert Ambrogi, a media attorney and the executive director of the Massachusetts News Publishers Association, has demanded to see those names. (You can read about the case here.)

Chief Flaherty issued a statement that doing so would constitute an unwarranted invasion of privacy. He cited Massachusetts laws that prohibit the release of that information.

But Ambrogi disagreed: “A name is not a medical record, and the fact that someone was injured in an auto accident doesn’t turn it into one. There’s no ground to withhold the name of the victim in this case.”

Justin Silverman, the executive director of the New England First Amendment Coalition, also wants to see the name of the victim: “When a major car accident occurs on a public street and the driver is accused of fleeing the scene, we need to know who was involved and how law enforcement responded.”

What is your take on this privacy issue?

Two recent news stories underline the importance of effective report writing. (Academy instructors may want to discuss these cases with their classes.)

On June 21, police in Daytona Beach, Florida, removed seven children from a filthy apartment and charged the two mothers with one count of felony child abuse. You can read more about the case here: http://theledger.com/news/20170622/7-children-removed-from-filthy-apartment-2-moms-charged

In his report, Officer James Thomas wrote: “Immediately upon entering the apartment, I noticed an infant running barefoot on carpet that was supposed to be brown in color but was matted, thick, clumpy, and covered wall to wall with black mold.”

The report also noted:

• the smell was so pungent that it burned his eyes, and he had to wash them afterwards
• fleas were everywhere
• the only food was an open jar of jelly, a small jar of peanut butter, and a jar of mayonnaise
• the only furniture was two broken chairs
• the children were lying on a “severely stained” mattress and wearing dirty diapers
• the unflushed toilet was filthy with urine, feces, and soiled paper
• there were no signs of “anything related to child care”

Officer Thomas took photographs of the children and their surroundings.

Melinda Jenkins, mother of two of the children, argued that “everything…was false in that report.” She said the apartment management was responsible for the filth, and she and her sister were in the process of moving.

The other police report concerned actor Miles Teller, who recently appeared in the boxing movie Bleed for This. Teller was arrested for public drunkenness. On June 19 Teller challenged the arrest report with this Tweet:”Went down to SD to see my buddy before he deployed. I wasn’t arrested I was detained bc there was no evidence to charge me with a crime.” You can read more at this link: https://usat.ly/2tG6MOD.

The police report tells a different story: Officer Billy Hernandez wrote that Teller was “swaying side to side, slurring his speech and had bloodshot eyes.” At one point Teller “lost his balance and almost fell into the street.” Police officers arrested Teller and transported him to a detox center.

Police statements quoted in both newspaper stories show that the investigating officers were thorough, objective, and detailed.

Whose accounts do you think are more believable: Police – or the three people who were arrested?

My money is on the police officers.

   Miles Teller in “Bleed for This”

Police reports that are well written and professional shine a light not only on the officers who write them, but on the agency they work for.

Here’s a recent headline in the Portland Press-Herald: 

Unusually detailed report on shooting offers rare glimpse into police work

According to the newspaper story, police reports filed in criminal court tell an impressive story. They reveal – step-by-step – how officers followed what they called a “bread-crumb trail” to identify and apprehend the transient who shot Portland resident Russell Solak.

You can read the story at this link: http://www.pressherald.com/?p=1207570

                             Portland, Maine

How about a quick writing lesson?

Here’s your challenge: read the following sentence (it’s from an actual police report) – and decide how it can be improved. (Hint: there are no grammar problems.)

Vehicle #1 was traveling in the left lane of Route 95 North in the City of Providence when at a point 500 feet south of Route 195 East operator lost control.

Answer: Although this sentence is correct, it’s too complicated. Police reports need to be crisp and efficient.

Here’s a recommended rewrite:

Vehicle #1 was traveling in the left lane of Route 95 North in Providence. The operator lost control 500 feet south of Route 195 East.  BETTER

Notice:

• Two short sentences are easier to write (and read!) than one longer one
• You don’t need to write “the City of Providence” – the name of the city is enough