This short quiz will help you sharpen your report writing skills.
Earlier this week you did a short exercise based on a 2001 police report about Herschel Walker. Here’s another excerpt from that police report.
You’re going to read two versions of part of that report. Which one is better – and why? The answers appear below.
VERSION 1
She told me that she and Walker had been involved in an “on-off-on-off” relationship for twenty years. He is the love of her life.
Around December 19, she told Walker that their relationship wasn’t going anywhere. She wanted to start dating others.
Herschel then:
– “lost it”
– became very upset
– told her he was going to sit outside her apartment
– threatened to kill her
– said he would “blow her head off” when she came outside
VERSION 2
She stated that she and Herschel Walker have been involved in an “on-off-on-off” type relationship for the past 20 years and that he is the love of her life. She stated that in December (she thinks around the 19th) he was over at her apartment and she began to tell Herschel that she was going to start dating again since he did not want to advance in their relationship with her. She stated that Herschel “lost it” and became very upset. He told her that he was going to come and sit outside her apartment and “blow her head off when she came outside.” He then told her he was going to “blow her head off” after he killed her.
ANSWER
Version 1 is better because it’s more both more readable and more efficient. Although the information is exactly the same, Version 1 uses only 79 words. Version 2 uses 120 words: it’s 50% longer.
There’s no need to repeat “she stated that” and “he told her.”
Notice that both versions are similar in the beginning. Version 1 switches to a list at the point where it’s needed to save time and energy.