New England Patriots defensive end Chandler Jones said he made a “pretty stupid mistake” that caused him to be admitted to Norwood Hospital in  Massachusetts on January 10. He arrived at the police station shirtless, disoriented, and asking for help. An officer went to Jones’ house to pick up clothing for him and noticed a smell of “burnt marijuana.” No charges were filed.

Marijuana use is banned by the NFL. A first violation results in the player being referred to the league’s substance abuse program, but no fine or suspension.

The NFL has not commented about the incident. There’s been speculation that Jones was using synthetic marijuana, a legal substance that can cause anxiety and disorientation.

You can read the story and police report here. The report is thorough and professional but overlong. Busy police officers might benefit from reading it and thinking about ways to make it shorter.

Here are some comments from me:

• I found two problems with the first paragraph.

Approximately 07:40 Hrs. — Officer Foscaldo arrives at officer parking area to START his day shift. Ile and Reserve Officer Headd, who was completing his mid-night shift, engaged in conversation.

I wondered why this paragraph was there, since it doesn’t contain any useful information. Another problem is that it’s written in present tense (“Officer Foscaldo arrives”). The rest of the report is correctly written in past tense. 

• There are many filler words and phrases. Here’s the second paragraph of the report, with unnecessary words in green. Below is a more efficient version.

It was at that time Foscaldo observed a shirtless black man wearing blue sweatpants. This individual had a muscular build, over 6 feet tall and long arms. in a very hurried fashion this individual scurried through the lot where cruisers were parked, and then made a direct line to the rear, Police Only, entry point to the station. Without warning or provocation the individual abruptly got down on his knees and placed his hands behind his head.

 Foscaldo observed a shirtless black man wearing blue sweatpants. This individual had a muscular build, over 6 feet tall and long arms. This individual scurried through the lot where cruisers were parked, and then made a direct line to the rear, Police Only, entry point to the station. The individual abruptly got down on his knees and placed his hands behind his head.

• Wording could be simplified. Instead of “observed,” use “saw.” Instead of “the individual,” use “he.”
• Some important information is missing because the report uses passive voice. For example, note this sentence: The individual was escorted around the rear of the building to the front lot, where our Fire Service ambulance was staged. Who escorted him? Police reports should always document who did what at the scene. Suppose there are questions later about how a situation was handled?
• Passive voice appears again (as it so often does in police reports!) in the last paragraph: The subject was transported to Norwood Hospital Emergency. Who drove him? And why is Jones called “the subject”? Use him: I transported him to Norwood Hospital Emergency.