In Chattanooga, Tennessee, a domestic violence case is making news. On May 20 Lacie Stone, senior advisor to Mayor Andy Berke, called police to say that her husband had assaulted her. When the police arrived, Robert Stone, her husband, claimed that she assaulted him. The couple had been arguing about Robert’s fears that Lacie was having an affair with the mayor.

Inconsistencies in the investigation have complicated the case, and Lacie returned to the police department later to make a detailed statement. You can read more at this link. 

Right now I want to focus on the initial police report. (You can download it at www.Scribd.com by using the search terms “Lacie Stone” and “police report.”) Here are three statements that I would recommend for revision. What changes would you make?

1.  The defendant stated he then grabbed the defendant by her belt while she was on the floor and drug her out the door and told her to leave.
2. Both the defendant and victim had evidence of injuries and damaged property to support the report.
3. Lacie Stone was leaving the house for the night and the defendant thew a rock through the back window of her SUV, shattering the window and damaging the window, the frame around the back window, and the back seat, the defendant reported that during the verbal argument, they had a physical altercation over the phone where he was struck in the forehead from her trying to keep her phone.

Here’s my evaluation:

1.  Instead of “the defendant,” I would use “Robert.” “Dragged” is more professional than “drug,” which is slang and not appropriate for an official police report.
2. “Evidence of injuries” is an opinion. In an objective police report, you should describe the injuries: “A bruise above her left eye,” “a three-inch scratch below his right elbow.”
3.  Two sentences are run together. A period after “back seat” will solve the problem:

Lacie Stone was leaving the house for the night and the defendant thew a rock through the back window of her SUV, shattering the window and damaging the window, the frame around the back window, and the back seat. The defendant reported that during the verbal argument, they had a physical altercation over the phone where he was struck in the forehead from her trying to keep her phone.

I’d also suggest writing the second sentence more efficiently. “Fight” is a better choice than “physical altercation,” and some of the other wording is unnecessary. Here’s a suggested revision:

Robert said that they were fighting about the phone. Lacie struck him in the forehead while she was trying to pull the phone away from him.