In 2015 Jenelle Evans, star of Teen Mom 2, was accused of second-degree harassment. A former friend told police that she had broken off her friendship with Evans – but troublesome phone calls and texts kept coming. You can read the story at this link.

As I’ve often said on this blog, reading actual police reports with a critical eye is an excellent way to develop your own writing skills. Here is the police report about Jenelle Evans:

My reaction: This reads like a traditional police report. It’s thorough, coherent, and objective. Those are good qualities! But it’s also wordy and confusing. 

Here are my suggestions:

• Delete the first sentence. There are spaces on your laptop to type in your name and the date, time, and address. You don’t need to type them again. Police officers are busy!
• Use names. My head spins, reading this and trying to keep “the victim” and “the subject” straight. If you don’t want to release the alleged victim’s name, that’s fine. But there’s nothing wrong with saying “Evans.”
• Write your name instead of “this officer.” Everybody has a name! There’s no reason to be afraid of writing it. Putting your name into your report saves time if somebody needs to talk to you later: they don’t have to search for clues about who wrote the report.
• Stick to the facts. I would delete this wording: “did indirectly threaten the victim’s way of income through her business.” Indirectly is a slippery word! What – exactly – did Evans do? And “through her business” adds more confusion. There are two women, so “her business” could refer to the victim…or to Evans.