This short quiz will help you sharpen your writing skills. Answers are posted below.

Part I Each of these sentences includes a poor word choice or phrase. Find each one.

a) When I questioned Barry Foster, he seemed confused.

b)  The car looked damaged, and I saw bruises on David’s neck.

c)  Farragut said that she would call me in the event that she remembered any other details.

Part 2  Which choice is more appropriate for a police report: a or b – and why?

a)  I left Carole Paley in the bedroom with Officer Keenan. I went into the back yard and looked for Carole’s daughter, Joan. I found Joan sitting at a picnic table. She was crying. I sat down and talked with her.
Joan told me:
– She hated her stepfather and was afraid of him.
– He often made her mother cry.
– She had seen him hit her mother many times.
– Her stepfather had never hit her or her brother or sister.
– They were afraid because he was angry all the time.
– He left the house about a half hour ago.
-She heard him tell her mother, “I’m going to kill you when I come back.”

b)  I left Carole Paley in the bedroom with Officer Keenan. I went into the back yard and looked for Carole Paley’s daughter, Joan. I found Joan sitting at a picnic table. She was crying. I sat down and talked with her.
Joan told me that she hated her stepfather and was afraid of him. She told me that he often made her mother cry. In response to my questions, she said that had seen him hit her mother many times. She added that he had never hit any of the Paley children, including her. I asked why they were afraid of him, whereupon she said it was because he was angry all the time.
When I asked when he left the house, she said that it was about half an hour ago. She said she heard him tell her mother, “I’m going to kill you when I come back.”

ANSWERS

Part I

a) When I questioned Barry Foster, he seemed confused. [Confused isn’t specific enough. Describe how you knew he was confused. Did he ignore your questions? Ask you to keep repeating them? Have difficulty finding the words he wanted? Give you answers that didn’t make sense?]

b)  The car looked damaged, and I saw bruises on David’s neck. [Damaged is vague. Describe what you saw: a crumbled fender, a slashed tire, or scraped marks, for example.]

c)  Farragut said that she would call me in the event that she remembered any other details.  [In the event that is wordy. Use if.]

Part 2  Choice a) is more appropriate because it’s more efficient. Choice b) has a lot of repetition, and many of the words are unnecessary. There’s no need to write out your questions or keep repeating “she said.” Just list what Joan told you. (Notice that even though the list in choice a) is more efficient, it includes all the information that Joan gave you.)