Recently I discussed a police report about Caleb Brantley, a football player who was involved in a controversial incident in Gainesville, Florida. (You can read my original post at this link.). Brantley was allegedly struck in the jaw by a woman who admitted she had hit him. Brantley decided not to press charges.

Now Brantley is claiming that the original police report was falsified. A new police report alleges that Brantley was the attacker. Very likely there will be a legal hearing to straighten out the confusion. Which report is correct – the first or the second?

From our vantage point, of course there’s no way to know who’s telling the truth. But if you read the second police report, you’ll notice immediately that it lacks objectivity. There are no sources for the details in the report. If this case goes to court, the officer at the scene may be subjected to tough questioning by the defense attorney: Who made these allegations?

Here are two examples:

The DEF responded by striking the VIC in the face knocking her unconscious. [Who saw this happen? The officer? Probably not – he arrived later. A witness? But the first report says there were multiple witnesses. The victim? Why not say so?]

Additionally, the intensity of the DEF’s force far exceeded what was reasonable or necessary. [This is an opinion, not a fact. What looks violent to one person may seem normal to another. Facts are needed: Was there redness? Bleeding? Did the victim fall to the ground? Did the suspect use an open hand or a closed fist? And so on.]

The confusion around the Brantley incident illustrates once again the importance of carefully following guidelines for writing police reports. Suggestion: Use the links to read both reports, and ask yourself how you would have handled this writing task.

Gareon Conley is a former Ohio State cornerback who’s expected to be a first round pick. He has been named as a suspect in an alleged rape in a Cleveland hotel on April 9.

You can read the complete police report at this link. It is exceptionally well written. Sentences are short, objective, and free of jargon. There is no passive voice.The report uses everyday language.

Here are a few sentences that impressed me. Notice the use of “said” and “told” – normal words that should appear in every police report (rather than the annoying “advised” that so many officers use):

(The victim) said while they were in the bathroom she began to hear some commotion going on. At the same time, Conley asked (Redacted) it she wanted to have a foursome with the couple in the bathroom. She told Conley she wanted to watch the couple in the bathroom.  

This police report is worth reading. It could serve as a model for officers who are trying to improve their writing skills.

On April 15 – the day before Easter – a Pennsylvania couple had a serious argument about how to cook a ham. When the woman swung a steak knife at the man, someone called the police. The woman was arrested for felony assault. You can read the police report here.

Overall it’s an effective report. Sophisticated sentences featuring embedded clauses make me think that the officer has been to college. Here’s an example, with the embedded (“inserted”) clause in green:

The victim related that for unknown reasons, as he was putting the ham in the oven, the defendant grabbed an 11 inch steak knife from the top of the oven and began swinging it at him. 

But fancy writing isn’t really necessary in a police report. Even though this one is professional and objective, it could have been written more efficiently. Result: Less time typing on a laptop, and more time available for active policing!

(And there’s another problem: the word related. “Said” is a perfectly normal word and more appropriate for a police report.)

Compare the two versions and see what you think. Here’s an excerpt from the original report:

The victim related that he and his girlfriend, the defendant, who have been dating and living together for approx. 3 ½ years, entered into a verbal argument in the kitchen over how to cook a ham. The victim related that for unknown reasons, as he was putting the ham in the oven, the defendant grabbed an 11 inch steak knife from the top of the oven and began swinging it at him. The victim related that as the defendant was swinging the knife he was able to avoid being seriously cut except for a small cut on his chest.

And here’s a suggested rewrite.

The victim said:

• he and his girlfriend, the defendant, have been dating and living together for approx. 3 ½ years
• they argued in the kitchen over how to cook a ham
• as he was putting the ham in the oven, the defendant grabbed an 11 inch steak knife from the top of the oven
• she began swinging the knife at him
• he didn’t know why she swung the knife
• he was able to avoid being seriously cut except for a small cut on his chest

Notice that the information in both versions is the same – but the second version is easier to read and write.

Some officers mistakenly believe that “more words” = “better reports.” Not true! Saying “the month of December” does not contain any more information than the single word “December.”

The men and women who write – and read – reports are busy people. Everyone wins when officers write clear, efficient, professional reports.

On April 13, former Florida defensive tackle and NFL Draft hopeful Caleb Brantley made the news in an unusual way. He was slapped in the face by a woman who was angry because he refused to sleep with her. Police in Gainesville, Florida investigated the incident and corroborated Brantley’s story. He decided not to press charges.

You can read the story and the incident report here. Several features impressed me:

• The officer filed the report even though there were no charges. Not all officers are such sticklers about paperwork.
• The report is written in plain English
• Most sentences are short and straightforward
• The officer used normal everyday words for speaking: said, admitted, and spoke rather than the jargonish advised

And there’s one more detail that impressed me. Here’s part of a sentence from the report (I shortened it to save time). See if you can figure out what I liked about it:

He used to sleep with one of Austin’s friends.

Here it is: the officer spelled used to correctly. Many writers – unfortunately – forget that d at the end: used to.

One detail that puzzled me was the omission of names and phone numbers for witnesses questioned by police – but perhaps there’s a reason the agency didn’t require that information.

Gainesville is – of course – a university town, and I suspect the officer who wrote the report is a college graduate. It’s worth reading and imitating. Well done!

I’ve often urged police officers not to use subjective words like “belligerent” and “disruptive” in their reports. What’s the problem? Those are opinion words that a defense attorney can easily challenge in court.

Today – thanks to United Airlines – I have an example for you that doesn’t involve law enforcement. The setting is different, but the principle is the same: When you’re dealing with a difficult situation, you have to be objective.

First, some background. By now you’ve probably heard about a public relations disaster for United Airlines. On Monday the airline decided to forcibly remove a 69-year-old physician from a plane bound for Louisville, Kentucky. The doctor’s seat was needed for an employee who had to travel to Louisville to work on a connecting flight.

The physician refused to give up his seat. He said he had been traveling for 24 hours, he had patients to see in Louisville, and he wasn’t leaving.

United Airlines had him dragged out of the plane. The results: a broken nose, a bloodied face, a concussion, two broken teeth – and bad publicity for United Airlines. (You can read the full story here.)

A short time later, the United Airlines CEO sent employees a letter meant to defend United Airlines. Unfortunately his words only made the situation worse. (You can read the letter yourself at the link.)

My purpose here is not to attack or defend the airline – that’s a matter for legal experts. What I want to consider are some problems in the CEO’s letter that are similar to problems in many of the police reports I read.

The CEO said that Dr. Dao – the physician who was forced off the plane – was “belligerent” and “disruptive.” Was he? It’s impossible to say. Everyone has a different definition of what constitutes “belligerent” behavior. It’s a matter of opinion – exactly what an officer doesn’t want to deal with in a court hearing. “Just the facts, Ma’am.” (I’ve talked to a number of people myself about the incident and heard various opinions.)

Now let’s look at “disruptive.” What did Dr. Dao disrupt – and how did he do it? If you think about it, “disruptive” is yet another empty word.

So what could the CEO have written instead? He could have listed Dr. Dao’s actions: Dr. Dao refused to get up. He stayed in his seat. Those are objective statements.

Unfortunately for United Airlines, the CEO’s letter, with its accusations about “belligerent” and “disruptive” actions, created an uproar when it was released to the public. The CEO had to hastily deliver an apology – and then another apology – and then another one.

Now let’s return to you and your reports. Because you’re a law enforcement officer, you see conflicts all the time. You have to deal with them, write about them, and – perhaps – defend your decisions in court.

You can learn an important lesson from the CEO’s mistake. Always use objective language. Describe the actions you witnessed. Be as specific as possible: you saw fists, or kicking, or spitting, or biting. If a suspect lied or threatened you, record the exact words. Do not use empty words like “belligerent,” “defiant,” “dangerous,” or “aggressive” that aren’t supported by details and facts.

Here’s the most useful advice about report writing I’ve ever heard: “If it’s not written down, it didn’t happen.” If you don’t have a written list of specific actions you saw, you risk an uphill battle if there’s a court hearing. Don’t let it happen to you!

Words like north, mother, professor, and officer can be confusing: How do you know when to use capital letters?

There’s a simple answer: Capitalize a word when you’re using it as a name.

Let’s look at directional words first. When you travel north on a highway or go to the northern part of town, you’re not referring to a specific place. There’s no capital letter.

On the other hand, sometimes North, South, East, or West refer to specific places and need capital letters. One useful clue is that they’re often preceded by “the.”

In Asia, elderly people receive a great deal of respect. Here in the West, however, we seem to have lost that tradition. CORRECT

I saw bloodstains on the carpet near an east-facing window in the bedroom.  CORRECT

He grew up in East Stroudsburg, a university town in Pennsylvania. CORRECT

You can park your car in the lot on the south side of the building.  CORRECT

The South always plays an important role in Presidential elections. CORRECT

The suspect drove in a northwest direction for two hours before she abandoned the car.  CORRECT

Here’s another clue: if a picture of a map pops up in your head, the capital letter is probably correct. East Stroudsburg, the South, and the West are all specific places on a map. But “facing east,” “a northwest direction,” and “the south side of the building” aren’t locations on a map. Don’t use a capital letter.

Now let’s look at words like mother, professor, and officer. The same rule applies: “Is it a name?”

I found a perfect birthday gift for Mother. CORRECT

How is your mother doing?  CORRECT

Swanson said his mother was taking care of the children while he was at work. CORRECT

Farrell was just hired as a professor. CORRECT

I still keep in touch with Professor Davies because he was wonderful to me when I was an undergraduate. CORRECT

Be aware that no professor will tolerate sloppy or careless work. CORRECT

You should ask Officer Harris for some tips about using spreadsheets.  CORRECT

Every officer who worked that case deserves congratulations.  CORRECT

We require officers to renew their certification every three years.   CORRECT

In a recent post, I discussed the concept of objectivity: stating observable facts rather than thoughts, ideas, hunches, and judgments. (Another name for this concept is fact vs. opinion.)

An incident that happened in Mesa, Arizona, provides a good opportunity to consider some objectivity issues. An officer observed a man riding a bicycle recklessly. The man did not respond to the officer’s command to stop. A scuffle ensued. You can read the entire story and watch the body-cam video here.

Witnesses and other officers dispute some details about what happened. Another complication is that the man on the bicycle had been using illegal drugs.

Because our focus is strategies for writing better police reports, we’re going to look at only detail from the incident: the man’s refusal to stop. Was he disobeying an order from a police officer?

Perhaps. But that’s not an objective fact because no one can read another person’s mind. Similarly a police report can’t state that a suspect intended to do something or was planning to do something or thinking about it. All you can do is describe the person’s actions.

Let’s go back to the man on the bicycle. He didn’t stop when the officer yelled at him. Did that mean he refused to stop? You simply can’t know what he was thinking. If you claim to be able to read someone’s mind,  you open yourself to challenges in a court hearing.

A defense attorney could say that the man didn’t see the officer (who was behind him). Or the man on the bicycle might not have understood what the officer shouted (the area was noisy). Or perhaps the man didn’t know that the command was directed specifically at him. (There were many people nearby.)

What the report can say is that the officer shouted “Stop!” and the man continued riding his bicycle.

Writing objectively takes training and practice. You need to develop your ability to observe and recall what happened – in detail. And (this is the hardest part for new recruits) you need to know what not to write.

These examples will help you see the difference between a fact and an opinion:

The man raised his fists.  √ (fact)

The man was thinking about punching me.  X  (mind reading)

The woman was planning to run.  X  (mind reading)

The woman looked several times at the door.  √  (fact)

Develop the habit of rereading your reports carefully before you submit them. Look at each detail to make sure it’s written objectively. Over time you’ll develop the skills needed to write impressive reports that help convict lawbreakers.

Fact vs. Opinion: You’ve probably heard that phrase before. How important is an understanding of fact vs. opinion when you’re writing a criminal justice report? Very.

Criminal justice requires objectivity. Opinions, deductions, hunches, and guesses don’t belong in a report, for three reasons:

• They make your report look unprofessional.
• They can cast doubt on your credibility.
• They probably won’t stand up in court.

Difficulties can set in right from the beginning of your report. If you can’t establish probable cause, a judge may dismiss a case before you even get a chance to testify about what happened at the crime scene.

You may also run into difficulty if your actions seem based on stereotyping or bias: You made assumptions based on the person’s age (“She’s elderly, so I knew she’d be confused”), ethnicity (“He was lying to protect his friend, who was also Hispanic”) or religion (“I knew she was taking good care of her mother because Mormons have strong family values”).

These two rules are useful guides to separating fact from opinion in your reports:

1.  Don’t document your thoughts or thinking processes. Stick to what your five senses tell you.

2.  Be descriptive. Turn opinions (“He seemed scared”) into word pictures (“His hands were shaking, and his lips were trembling. He looked over his shoulder five times while I was questioning him”).

You can watch a short (and free) video about objectivity by clicking here.

        “JUST THE FACTS, MA’AM.”

Last month a substitute teacher in South Carolina brought a box of wine to class with her and became sick while she was teaching. You can read the police report at this link: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/box-wine-teacher.

The report is excellent – objective and efficient. I’m especially pleased that the officer used active voice throughout the report. Many reports lapse into passive voice near the end (the disposition):

I called EMS for the teacher, Judith Richards-Gartee.  ACTIVE VOICE

EMS came to the school and transported her to LMC.  ACTIVE VOICE

I charged Judith with Public Disorder Conduct (CIT #32881GU) and released her to EMS.  ACTIVE VOICE

I would recommend only one change – using said or told instead of advised:

Mr Morton, an administrator at Brookland Cayce High School, advised me that a substitute teacher was intoxicated while in class.  POLICE JARGON

Mr Morton, an administrator at Brookland Cayce High School, told me that a substitute teacher was intoxicated while in class. BETTER