Here’s a summary of a recent police report (not an actual police report). Some words and expressions aren’t appropriate for a police report. One word in particular could cause legal problems for the agency. Which word is it – and why?

Officer Kenneth Wu was on patrol in the 400 block of S 11th St. when he observed a citizen walking a brown pit bull dog off a leash. Contact was made with the citizen and he was advised of the City leash law.

The problem is advised, which means counseled or suggested. A pit bull off a leash is a risky situation: they have a reputation for aggression. The officer should have told the owner to put the dog on a leash.

Suppose the owner continued to walk his dog without a leash – and the dog attacked a child. The owner could argue in court that he wasn’t required to use a leash: it was just a suggestion from the police officer.

Advised is not an appropriate term for most law enforcement situations. Use said or told.

In my previous post, I discussed the court narrative about the Rachel Henry case. It’s a sad story about a Phoenix woman who killed her three children, all under the age of three. You can read the narrative on page 3 at this link: https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/6667965-Rachel-Henry-Form-IV-Redacted.html

The court narrative is excellent: professional, objective, and thorough. I do have a few suggestions, however:

Dispatch advised an unidentified female was calling to report three children under the age of three years old were found inside the residence.  [Advised means “counseled.” Use said.]

The father of the children, , and the mother, Rachel Henry were both on scene and transported to Phoenix Police Headquarters for further interview. The homeowner and  aunt, , were also transported.   [State who drove them. Passive voice is inappropriate for criminal justice writing because it often omits the most important fact – the doer.]

Rachel told  she would put the children down for a nap while she was gone.  [“She” is confusing when there are two women. The woman who put the children down for a nap is different from the woman who was gone.
Better: “Rachel said she would put the children down for a nap while  was gone.” OR “Rachel told , “I will put the children down for a nap while you’re gone.”]

On January 20, an amphetamine user named Rachel Henry killed her three young children. You can read the story here: https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/phoenix-breaking/2020/01/28/rachel-henry-mom-accused-killing-3-kids-indicted-murder-charges/4602682002/

 You can read the Addendum narrative on page 3 of the documents below:

https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/6667965-Rachel-Henry-Form-IV-Redacted.html
The report is thorough and objective, but it could be more efficient.

Straightforward sentences save time (a precious commodity for officers) and make a report more readable. Here’s a portion of the original narrative – 112 words:

On January 20^th, 2020 at 1920 hours, officers with the Phoenix Police Department responded to a call of an unknown trouble at 2520 East Vineyard Road. Dispatch advised an unidentified female was calling to report three children under the age of three years old were found inside the residence. Officers and fire personnel responded within several minutes and determined all three children a three year old male, a one year old female, a seven month old female were deceased. The father of the children, , and the mother, Rachel Henry were both on scene and transported to Phoenix Police Headquarters for further interview. The homeowner and  aunt, , were also transported.

This revised version is 84 words – more efficient and easier to read:

On January 20^th, 2020 at 1920 hours, officers with the Phoenix Police Department responded to 2520 East Vineyard Road. Dispatch said an unidentified female called to report three dead children under the age of three. Officers and fire personnel confirmed all three children were dead: a male three years old, a female one year old, and a female seven months old. Police drove the father, , and the mother, Rachel Henry, to Phoenix Police Headquarters. They also drove the homeowner and X’s aunt, . 

Some comments:

• Omit “a call of unknown trouble” – the next sentence explains what the “trouble” was
• Omit “were both on scene.” If you arrested them, obviously that’s where they were.
• Dispatch told (not advised) you about the dead children. Advised means “gave advice” – it’s the wrong word here. 

In my next post, I’ll have more examples from the narrative.

Last week a regular visitor to this blog made a comment that’s worth reading.

Nanette J. Berg posted this:

I have seen a lot of poor law enforcement documentation recently, and it makes officers look incompetent in the eyes of the public quickly. I wish they would spend more time training on objective writing in officer training, as it prevents some cases from taking up court time….and saves dollars for taxpayers.

Well said! Police reports aren’t just about commas and pronouns. They’re about money, and your reputation, and the reputation of your agency.

Two reminders:

1. Write efficiently. Short, crisp sentences save everyone’s time – and help you avoid mistakes.
2. Always reread what you’ve written before you submit your report.

Here’s a short quiz about some common writing mistakes. Scroll down for the answers.  (But do try the quiz yourself first!) Warning: some sentences have two mistakes; others have none.

1. Langford said nothing at first, then she slowly told me about the fight.

2. Carlson admitted he was quick to loose his temper.

3. The Smith’s refused to answer my questions about the screaming there neighbors heard.

4. Wiley pointed to back yard and said, “In the shed.”

5. Barton said that the purse was her’s, and she wasn’t going to give it to Farrell.

6. The department is preparing for its first accreditation visit.

Here are the answers:

X  1. Langford said nothing at first. Then she slowly told me about the fight.  (Use a period and a capital letter. You can’t join two sentences with then.)

X  2. Carlson admitted he was quick to lose his temper.  (Loose means “not tight,” and it rhymes with moose. The word needed here is lose.)

X  3.The Smiths refused to answer my questions about the screaming their neighbors heard.  (The Smiths don’t own anything in this sentence. Omit the apostrophe: Smiths is correct. And be careful not to confuse there/they’re/their. This sentence requires their.)

✓ 4. Wiley pointed to back yard and said, “In the shed.”  CORRECT (In the US, periods and commas always go inside quotation marks.)

X 5. Barton said that the purse was hers, and she wasn’t going to give it to Farrell.  (Don’t use an apostrophe with his, hers, ours, yours, and theirs.)

✓ 6. The department is preparing for its first accreditation visit.  CORRECT (There’s no apostrophe in its. Here’s how to tell: try plugging his into the sentence.  “The department is preparing for his first accreditation visit.” It’s – with an apostrophe – means it is: “I think it’s time to leave.”)

How did you do? And – more important – did you catch any errors that tend to slip into your reports?

I’m beginning to think that many people have never written the word “woman” in their entire lives! Every female is “a women.” It’s a mistake I’m seeing more and more, even from professional writers.

There’s a “women” mistake in this online report about a sexual assault in…of all places…a courtroom.

Woman or women? Please…everyone…it’s not hard to tell the difference between these two words!

You might be surprised that I’m writing a blog post about confidence today. Police officers tend to be concerned about grammar, spelling, punctuation, and similar writing issues. That’s where confidence comes from, right? Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to write a post about verb endings, pronoun cases, and apostrophes?

Of course I often cover those issues in this blog. But long experience has shown me there’s another reason why some police reports are poorly written: officers don’t always use their critical thinking skills to the fullest. That’s my topic today.

Imagine that you’re dispatched to an automobile accident near a McDonald’s. You interview the drivers and a witness. You learn that the driver of a Toyota Corolla turned left out of the parking lot. The driver of a Honda Accord was approaching and didn’t see the Corolla. There was a collision. No one was injured.

Now read and evaluate this excerpt. What’s your opinion?

I arrived on scene, driving a service vehicle and in full uniform. I parked my car facing south on Broad Street in front of Smiley’s Cafe. At that point I exited my car and walked towards the red Toyota Corolla with the intention of interviewing the driver before attending to the blue 2011 Honda Accord. When I saw the extent of the damage to the Corolla, I thought the driver might be injured, but that turned out to be a mistake. Apparently the seat belts and airbag prevented injuries.

If I were the supervisor, I would encourage the writer to review the principles that make for a good police report: short sentences, ordinary words, and essential facts.

Your training and experience will help you decide what information matters. That’s what police reports are all about. What will the insurance company want to know? If there’s a court hearing, what facts will be relevant?

In many reports, there’s usually no need to record that you drove a service vehicle and were wearing a full uniform. You probably won’t need to explain that you arrived, parked your car, exited your car, and walked to the scene. Nor would you record what you were thinking or planning to do.

Record the date, time, and address in the appropriate spaces on your laptop. You won’t need to repeat them. You’ll probably need to note whether you were dispatched or saw the accident yourself while you were on patrol.

Here are examples of sentences that record useful information:

I talked to Walter Connack. He was driving a 2017 red Toyota Corolla. He said he made a left turn out of the McDonald’s parking lot on Broad Street.

I talked to Susan Schmidt. She was driving a blue 2011 Honda Accord. She said she was heading north on Broad Street. She didn’t see Connack’s Corolla leave the parking lot.

I didn’t see any injuries. Connack and Schmidt told me they weren’t hurt and didn’t need medical attention. There were no other passengers.

I talked to a witness, Mary Sullivan. She said she saw Connack slowly leave the parking lot and start turning left. Schmidt’s car was going very fast.

Note that these are sample sentences, not a complete report. There will be other sentences about possible issues such as skid marks, vehicle damage, DUI concerns, driver’s licenses, vehicle registrations, and so on. Remember too that procedures and policies about police reports vary from agency to agency.

But one principle remains constant: the need to use your critical thinking skills to determine what information matters – and to record it concisely and accurately.

Aldon Smith is a former NFL football player who used to play for the 49ers and the Raiders. In 2015 Smith was involved in an automobile collision that made the news because he walked away from it without leaving identifying information.

Below is a press release from the Santa Clara Police Department that describes what happened. It provides an opportunity for you to think about the kinds of information required in a police report. (A press release is not, of course, a police report – it’s a fact sheet for newspapers, TV, and other media.)

So…after you read the press release, make a list of additional information you’d expect to see if you had a chance to read the actual police report. (Reminder: A police report has to be specific.) After you’re finished, scroll down to see my list and compare it to yours.

On Thursday, August 6, 2015 at about 8:46 PM, Santa Clara Officers were dispatched to Moreland Way to investigate a disturbance involving a collision. On arrival, officers learned Aldon Smith was parking his vehicle and collided with a parked vehicle. After the collision, Smith exited his vehicle and caused additional damage to the parked vehicle with his car door.

Smith then left the area not reporting the collision or leaving his identifying information at the scene. He later returned to the parking area where he was contacted by officers. Smith displayed objective symptoms of being under the influence of an alcoholic beverage. Officers administered a field sobriety test to Smith.

Additional information I would expect to find in the police report might include:

• What actions by Smith caused the damage to the parked vehicle?
• What did the damage look like?
• Who saw Aldon Smith exit his car?
• What were the signs that Smith was under the influence of an alcoholic beverage?
• How did the police contact Smith when he returned?
• How did he respond to the police?
• Which field sobriety test was administered?
• Which officer administered it?
• What were the results?

Specific practices for writing police reports can vary from agency to agency. If your list is different, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong. Just be sure that you’re carefully following the guidelines for your agency.

Busy police officers should write their reports as efficiently as possible. Include every piece of information that’s needed – but don’t repeat yourself, and don’t use extra words.

Today I’m going to discuss a long report about some stolen cookies. In 2013, an employee at an Indiana Walmart was arrested for stealing some Oreo cookies while on the job.

You can read the report here. When you do, you’ll see that it’s professional, thorough, and objective. The officer is an excellent writer! It’s not easy to write a sentence as complicated as this one – without a single error:

Mr. Moreno advised that upon back-tracking the video footage from the location in which the wrapper was located, he was able to observe Ms. Wieners select the package of cookies, open it, and proceed to consume multiple cookies during her work shift without her paying for said items.

I always encourage officers and students to read as many police reports as possible. You will learn a lot!

Here’s a 2012 report published online that’s useful to read. The officer had a great deal of information to record, and some of it was confusing. The report is well handled!

Here’s what happened: In December 2012, the University of Texas suspended two football players in connection with a sexual assault allegation made by a 21-year-old San Antonio woman. Coach Mack Brown says the players were sent home for violating team rules and have not yet been charged with any crimes. Some observers have noted that the two players don’t completely match the descriptions of the suspects in the police report.

This unfolding story raises more questions than it answers. The alleged victim had been drinking before she invited the two men to her hotel room: Did she accurately remember what happened? Was a substance like Rohypnol secretly added to one of her drinks? Were the two suspended football players even involved in the case? 

But the report concisely and accurately organizes all the available facts about what happened at the scene and afterward, at the hospital.

Some comments from me:

1.  In the first sentence, “above listed location” is unnecessary: The location is already stated in the published report.

2.  The abbreviations V1 (for victim), 01 (for “other person”), and SP1 and SP2 (for suspects) are confusing to read and add nothing to the report. (Some agencies, however, use this practice to eliminate names when the report is released to the public.)

3.  The reference to a “strong odor of alcohol on her breath” may be challenged in court by an astute attorney who knows that alcohol is odorless. Use “alcoholic beverage” or “liquor” instead.

4.  One excellent feature of this report is its use of “I” (“I was dispatched,” “I contacted,” “I observed bruising”). These sentences are clear and easy to read, and they eliminate confusion about who did what at the scene.

5.  Passive voice appears in several places. Not a good idea! You need to state who performed each action: “Night CID was contacted, (SUP) was advised of the situation….”

6.  “Martini” is misspelled, and capital letters should not have been used for rape, night manager, vodka, and hotel. Red Bull is capitalized correctly in one sentence (it’s a brand name) but incorrectly written in lower case in another sentence.

7.  In American punctuation, periods and commas always go before quotation marks. For example, one of the alleged victim’s statements should have been punctuated this way: “I don’t quite remember.”

8. “Advised” is misused in one place in the report: “(SUP) was advised of the situation.” The sentence should read, “I told the supervisor about the situation.” Save “advise” for situations when you actually counsel someone: “I advised her to change the lock on her door.”

This officer deserves credit for writing a thorough and precise report. Time constraints in a busy shift may have gotten in the way of making minor edits and corrections.