Writing Sophisticated Sentences

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Every officer wants to write intelligent reports. That’s certainly a worthy goal. Unfortunately, there’s a hidden problem: When you try to write sophisticated sentences, clarity gets lost and errors creep in.

Here are two suggestions for writing sophisticated sentences that enhance your reports:

1.  Use a semicolon. This is easy to do! Find two simple sentences in a row that you want to put together. Change the first period to a semicolon. Change the capital letter to lower case unless it’s a word that needs to be capitalized.

Officer Baptiste saw smoke coming from the engine of the car. She called 911.  CORRECT

Officer Baptiste saw smoke coming from the engine of the car; she called 911.  CORRECT (semicolon)

I searched the basement. Sergeant Rios questioned Mrs. Pallatine.  CORRECT

I searched the basement; Sergeant Rios questioned Mrs. Pallatine.  CORRECT (semicolon)

2.  Try writing a Comma Rule 3 sentence when you use a proper noun (a capitalized name of a person, place, or thing).

First hint: Be sure to use TWO commas. Second hint: Read each sample sentence aloud. You’ll hear the commas. This is easier than you think!

We’ll be working extra shifts when Halloween, a favorite day for pranks, rolls around on October 31.  CORRECT

Uncle John, who was a police officer back in the 1960s, says law enforcement has changed dramatically since then.  CORRECT

Polk City, a small town in Central Florida, is continuing to grow.  CORRECT

a man writing

What Type of Report Would You Write?

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Knowing how to classify police reports is an important skill for law enforcement officers. When a scenario occurs, you can save time (and avoid errors) by deciding whether the situation calls for a Type 1, Type 2, Type 3, or Type 4 police report. Once you’ve figured that out, you’ll know what special features are needed and – just as important – what potential pitfalls to avoid.

Let’s try it. Read a news story about Philip Standefer, a police officer in Lubbock, Texas, who saved a driver’s life through quick thinking. Then watch the video below. (It’s only 47 seconds long.) What kind of report would you write: Type 1, 2, 3, or 4?

Answer: This situation calls for a Type 3 report (and a commendation for Officer Standefer!). What’s special about Type 3 reports is that you, the officer, become part of the story. (In Type 1 and Type 2 reports, the events happened before you arrived.)

Type 3 reports require special care because you’re dealing with two stories – before and after. Don’t make this complicated for yourself.

Part of Officer Standefer’s report might look like this (my version is incomplete because news reports didn’t finish the story):

At approximately 1:19 am on September 17, I, Philip Standefer, was standing at the 3700 block of 19th Street talking to a driver about a traffic accident.

I saw a flower van heading north on 19th Street at high speed. It crossed the median. I saw that Sarah Beaty, 19, was standing in the path of the vehicle. I pushed her away.

Sarah fell onto the road. The van crashed into a patrol car, which then hit another patrol car. I was pinned between both cars….

Notice that an effective police report sticks to the facts. Omit your thinking processes (“I suspected the driver was intoxicated,” “I was afraid the car would injure Sarah”).

You can learn more about Type 3 reports here. You can download a chart that explains the four types of reports here.

The numeral 3

The Jussie Smollett Case

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Some newspapers are wishing that they followed police guidelines about objectivity. Some media reports on January 29 and 30 said that actor Jussie Smollett was attacked by two men near his Chicago apartment building.

Thanks to an extensive police investigation, we now know that the attack was staged. The media should have been more objective in their initial reporting: “Jussie Smollett told police that two men attacked him near his Chicago apartment building.”

There’s a huge difference between “Jussie Smollett was attacked” (a conclusion) and “Jussie Smollett said he was attacked” (a fact). It’s the reason news reporters are supposed to say “the alleged assault” and “the suspected assailant.”

And it’s the reason police officers record only facts – not hunches or conclusions – in their reports. A police investigation or court hearing might bring information to light that discredits police thinking at the scene. But if a report sticks only to facts, there’s little chance that the report will be challenged later.

 *  *  *  *  * 

The initial Jussie Smollett police report below is objective and professional. I have two suggestions: 

  • The report should omit “at above listed location”  – it doesn’t give any useful information
  • “He said” is more natural than “he related,” which appears in the report several times
  • Jussie Smollett Police Report

Jussie Smollett

 
 
 

The Plain Writing Act Part 2

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In my previous post, I talked about the Plain Writing Act of 2010. All federal employees are required to write government documents in everyday language. Although police departments aren’t bound by this law, it makes sense to write plainly and clearly.

Today I’m going to offer three tips for writing plainly, clearly, and efficiently.

1.  Use ordinary language rather than jargon. For example, when a citizen gives you information, “said” or “told” is a better word choice than “advised,” which should be saved for actual advice:

Johnson told me she locked the door before she went to bed.  CORRECT

I advised Wilson to discuss her son’s behavior with the school guidance counselor.  CORRECT

Similarly, “I saw” or “I heard” is a better choice than “I ascertained,” which doesn’t document how you acquired the information. Time-wasting and awkward words like “respective,” “above mentioned,” and “being that” can often be replaced with timesaving word choices—or eliminated altogether:

Jones and Chumley returned to their respective offices and then came back with the registration numbers.  WORDY

Jones and Chumley returned to their offices and then came back with the registration numbers.  BETTER

The abovementioned witness said she called 911 because she feared that Faulkner would seriously harm his wife.  AWKWARD

Zoe Collins said she called 911 because she feared that Faulkner would seriously harm his wife.  BETTER

Being that Todd’s shirt was covered with blood, I called for an ambulance.  AWKWARD

Because Todd’s shirt was covered with blood, I called for an ambulance.  BETTER

2.  Use active voice rather than passive voice. In the past, some officers mistakenly believed that passive voice guaranteed objectivity and integrity. Not true! Similarly, writing “this officer” or “the undersigned” does not ensure accuracy. (If only life were that simple!)

Smoke was detected inside the bathroom.  UNCLEAR

I smelled smoke as I walked past the open bathroom door.  BETTER

3.   Be specific. Details and descriptions are often much more useful than vague generalizations:

Lafferty took an aggressive stance and tried to intimidate me with coercive gestures and threats.  VAGUE

Lafferty stepped in front of me.  He raised his right fist to my face and said, “I’m done with you messing with us. Leave us alone.” BETTER

The Plain Writing Act is good news for busy government workers, even those not whose jobs aren’t covered by the new guidelines. You can learn more about Plain Writing at www.PlainLanguage.gov. A chalkboard that has "plain language" written on it

The Plain Writing Act Part I

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In 2010 the Plain Writing Act became a law. It declares that “Government documents issued to the public must be written clearly.” According to Annetta Cheek, a retired federal worker, “Government is all about telling people what to do. If you don’t write clearly, they’re not going to do it.” Wise words!

Only federal government agencies are legally bound by the Plain Writing Act. But the thinking behind the law makes sense to every government worker – including police officers.

Here’s an example from a government pamphlet written before Congress passed the Plain Writing Act:

Winter Preparedness Safety Tips Timely preparation, including structural and non-structural mitigation measures to avoid the impacts of severe winter weather, can avert heavy personal, business and government expenditures. Experts agree that the following measures can be effective in dealing with the challenges of severe winter weather.  WORDY

Now look at this Plain Writing Act rewrite:

Severe winter weather can be extremely dangerous. Consider these safety tips to protect your property and yourself.  BETTER

The advantages to government bureaucracies are obvious: Clear, simple writing minimizes confusion and saves time and money. Plain Writing guidelines make reports easier to write, read, and review – a boon to busy officers and their supervisors, especially when preparing for a court hearing.

Another advantage is that modern writing practices make a positive impression on judges, attorneys, media representatives, and community leaders who read reports.

The Plain Writing Act is good news for busy government workers, even those not whose jobs aren’t covered by the new guidelines. You can learn more about Plain Writing at www.PlainLanguage.gov.

The next post will discuss three writing guidelines that many agencies have adopted. Stay tuned!

A chalkboard that has "plain language" written on it

Your Ear Can Fool You!

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It’s a common mistake: Because we don’t hear certain letters when we’re speaking, we assume we don’t have to use them in writing.

Wrong!

Probably the most common error is leaving out verb endings. Listen to yourself say these sentences aloud:

Coppin used to work with domestic violence victims.

We’re supposed to be in court at 9:30.

The memo lists everyone who’s going to the meeting.

What you probably noticed is that you couldn’t hear the d in “used to” and “supposed to”: It blends with the t in “to.” And most people don’t say the final s in “lists.”

Writing is different. You absolutely have to include those d and s endings.

Here’s a practice activity: Can you find and fix the errors in these sentences? Scroll down for the answers.

1.  I’m suppose to meet with the chief at 10:30.

2.  Before that park was cleaned up, drug sellers use to hang out there.

3.  A visit to the emergency room cost $250 before the doctor even sees you.

4. After Joe list the changes, I’ll make sure the staff knows about them.

ANSWERS

1.  I’m supposed to meet with the chief at 10:30.

2.  Before that park was cleaned up, drug sellers used to hang out there.

3.  A visit to the emergency room costs $250 before the doctor even sees you.

4. After Joe lists the changes, I’ll make sure the staff knows about them.

How did you do?

What Should Be Left Out?

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Officers are often concerned (as they should be) with completeness when they’re writing a report. But it’s also important to know what you should leave out.

Here’s a challenge for you: Read the news summary below. Note that this is NOT an actual police report. If you were the officer, what information would you leave out when you wrote your police report?

A 51-year-old Milwaukee man was arrested for attempted burglary after he was seen on security cameras at Currie Park Golf Course, 3535 N. Mayfair Road, at 12:10 a.m. June 9. A clubhouse window had been broken, causing $300 damage, but nothing appeared missing. When officers arrived, the man ran around the fairway until he gave up near the park entrance. Officers don’t believe he acted alone. The man was on probation violation, and the Jeep he had arrived in was stolen.

What would you have omitted?

Here’s my answer: I would omit “Officers don’t believe he acted alone” and “nothing appeared missing.”

Hunches, guesses, and theories are tremendously useful in police work, but they don’t belong in a report. What you could write, though, would be details that show how you came to that conclusion.

For example, you might have interviewed a security guard who reported seeing three men on the golf course shortly before midnight. Perhaps you talked to an official from the clubhouse who told you that nothing seemed to have been taken.

What you don’t do is draw your own conclusions: “Obviously all three were planning to burglarize the clubhouse.”

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Writing an Objective Report

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Suppose you saw a driver cross the double line three times in two minutes. She staggered out of her car when you asked her to perform a sobriety test. Your immediate conclusion was that she was driving under the influence.

But professional criminal justice practices require you to omit these categories and conclusions. You state only facts and details, leaving it to your reader to draw conclusions.

These requirements seem to defy common sense – but there are good reasons for them. Facts and details can be useful in three ways:

  • They facilitate follow-up investigations
    Crimes often happen in patterns. Recording exactly what a suspect or witness says can be a huge help to an investigator who’s looking for habits and repeated behavior.
  • They prevent challenges
    An inmate can’t argue that you jumped to conclusions if you list the behaviors that indicated defiance: “Johnson clenched his fists, took two steps backward, and said, ‘You’re not my boss, and I ain’t taking any orders from you.’ Then he turned, walked through the doorway, and slammed the door.”
  • They help you avoid embarrassment
    If you announce in a report that you found the point of entry, or you knew a suspect was dangerous, a defense attorney might point out errors in your reasoning.
    Just state the facts: Describe the broken window and the footprints in the flowerbed, or list the behaviors that prompted you to call for a backup when dealing with the suspect: The threats against you (write them down, word-for-word), the weapon he was waving from side to side, the loud voice and flushed face.

Here’s a comparison of generalizations you should avoid and details you could use instead:

  • confused (Better: could not state her name and address)
  • afraid (Better: whispered the answers to my questions, her hands were shaking, twice said “What if he comes back?“)
  • reckless (Better: clocked at 50 mph in a 30 mph zone, crossed the double line while making a left turn)

Commas in Police Reports

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Do you worry about commas? They’re not as tricky as you probably think. You can use commas confidently in almost any sentence by learning just three rules:

1.  Use a comma when a sentence starts with an extra idea:

Wilson had been drinking before he left for work that morning.  NO COMMA

Before he left for work that morning, Wilson had been drinking. COMMA

2.  Use a comma when you join two sentences with and or but:

I saw blood on the sleeve of Cameron’s shirt and called an ambulance. ONE SENTENCE – NO COMMA

I saw blood on the sleeve of Cameron’s shirt, and I called an ambulance.  TWO SENTENCES – COMMA REQUIRED

3.  Use two commas when you drop your voice and raise it again in a sentence:

Burton Memorial Park, which used to attract prostitutes and drug pushers, is now a safe place for children to play.

You can learn more about these comma rules by clicking here.

a red comma

The Wayne Rooney Report

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Wayne Rooney plays soccer for Major League Soccer’s DC United. On December 16 he was arrested at Dulles International Airport for public intoxication. You can read the full story at this link.

Here’s the report:

Wayne Rooney Police Report

Some comments:

  • This is a professional police report – objective, accurate, grammatical.
  • It could be more concise. You don’t need to repeat the date and time – you’ve already entered that information into the form on your laptop.
  • “Individual” is vague. Rooney is a man.
  • Many details could be condensed. Here’s a wordy excerpt from the report:

I approached the individual and asked what happened, and in his broken English he stated he went through the door at the bottom of the stairs because he thought it was a lift. The subject provided a United Kingdom passport and the the individual was identified as Wayne Mark Rooney.

Here’s a suggested rewrite:

The man told me his name was Wayne Mark Rooney. He showed me his passport. He told me that he went through the door at the bottom of the stairs because he thought it was a lift.

The first version is 50 words; the second is 37. That doesn’t sound like much – but when you think about all the reports you write in a year, those unnecessary words add up!

  • Some of the language in the report is old-fashioned police jargon: the individual, subject.
  • There are three instances of passive voice:

Mr. Rooney was placed under arrest for public intoxication

the individual was identified as Wayne Mark Rooney

Mr. Rooney was transported by Cpl. Spina

It’s more professional to write “Wayne Mark Rooney gave me his name” and “Cpl. Spina drove Rooney to….” The “was placed under arrest” sentence is a particular problem. Who arrested him? What if there are questions about the arrest in a future court case? The officer’s name should be included in the report.