Jenelle Evans is a star in Teen Mom 2, a reality TV series. She was a passenger in a car that was rear-ended on July 6. The police report indicates that she was at least ten weeks pregnant.

The report is objective, jargon-free, and well written. In a moment I’m going to make two suggestions for changes. Before you read my comments, I suggest that you read the report yourself and see if you notice anything:

1. Driver #1 stated that he was approaching the traffic light leading from Martin Luther King Jr Pky north bound toward N 3^RD St and rear ended driver #2 while same was stopped at the traffic light near the Isabel Holmes Bridge on ramp.
2. Driver #1 stated that he thought driver #2 was going to “continue through the yellow traffic light” and not come to a complete stop. Driver #1 rear ended driver #2 as a result causing major front distributed damage to vehicle #1, and minor rear distributed damage to vehicle #2.
3. The passenger in vehicle #1 stated that she is at least (10) weeks pregnant and complained of abdominal pain. She was transported for treatment to NERMC by EMS #33. No other injuries or property damage was reported at this time.
4. Driver #1 was issued a citation for Failure to Reduce Speed.
5. End of report.

My comments:

• Did you notice something odd in this sentence? The passenger in vehicle #1 stated that she is at least (10) weeks pregnant and complained of abdominal pain.
  Why is 10 in parentheses? The answer is that military documents used to write numerals twice: ten (10) weeks pregnant. Nobody knows why they started doing it that way. It didn’t make sense then, and it certainly doesn’t make sense now. Write it this way: at least 10 weeks pregnant.

• This report – like so many that I read – lapsed into passive voice near the end: was transported…was issued a citation. The sentences should be written in active voice: EMS #33 transported her for treatment to NERMC. I issued Driver #1 a citation for Failure to Reduce Speed.

Overall, though, this is an effective report.

On June 24, a woman in Buffalo, New York told police that Sabres left winger Evander Kane had threatened her. Six months ago Kane was involved in a similar incident. Police decided there was no reason to arrest Kane either time.

The incident report for the June 24 encounter has been released:

On above D,T, L compl states that while inside Bottoms Up nite club, suspect threatened compl and made derogatory comments to her. While outside in the parking lot of bar suspect grabbed compl around the throat and tried pushing her into his car.

Brevity is one of the hallmarks of an effective police report – but I would call this one too brief. It’s possible, of course, that this is a condensed report meant for publication. Still, it’s an opportunity to review the kinds of information that need to be included in a police report. Suggestion: Reread the report, list what you think could have been included, and then check your list against mine.

Here’s the report again to get you started (“D,T,L” refers to date, time, and location):

On above D,T, L compl states that while inside Bottoms Up nite club, suspect threatened compl and made derogatory comments to her. While outside in the parking lot of bar suspect grabbed compl around the throat and tried pushing her into his car.

Here’s my list:

• Explain how the officer was dispatched to the night club. Did someone call police? Who?
• What exactly did the suspect say? What sounds like a threat or a derogatory comment to one person may sound harmless to another. If there’s a court hearing, the exact words could be an important factor.
• How does the officer know that the suspect grabbed and pushed the complainant?
• What did the suspect say?
• Were there any injuries? Did the officer photograph them?
• Did anyone else  – the bartender, manager, other patrons, other employees – corroborate or challenge the complaint?

If you’re interested in police reports, you should take a look at two news stories that followed the Pulse nightclub mass shooting in Orlando on June 12.

Orlando police have released the official incident narrative about the Pulse shooting. It’s a useful example of administrative writing that you should look at if you’re trying to learn more about advanced reports. Here’s the link: http://www.cityoforlando.net/cityclerk/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2016/06/OPDPulseLIVECAD_June172016-by-narrativeandunitassignment_Redacted.pdf

The second news story focuses on the decision not to release recordings of the 911 calls made during the shootout. Florida laws take an exceptionally broad approach to public records, routinely making most government information – including 911 calls – available to the public. But Orlando police have decided not to release the 911 calls from the Pulse shootings, and there has been an outcry. You can read more about the story here: http://fw.to/YyJkPpR

Some journalists and concerned citizens are saying that holding back public records – despite laws to the contrary – is becoming more common. Similar demands for more transparency are common in many states. For example, the New York Police Department is blocking demands for information about its surveillance of Muslims. The federal government often hears complaints about its decisions to keep certain kinds of information secret.

Government agencies have responded that sometimes there are good reasons for withholding records. One issue is financial: Releasing public records costs money because someone must be paid to track down government records; often time-consuming redactions are needed as well. You can expect to see more news stories about the pros and cons releasing police records.

University of Connecticut student Luke Gatti was arrested in May when he broke out of a Florida rehab center and assaulted a female police officer. Gatti, 20, had been in treatment for alcohol and drug abuse, and this was his second encounter with law enforcement.

Last October Gatti went on a drunken tirade because the university cafeteria wasn’t serving macaroni and cheese with bacon and jalapeño. Gatti was sentenced to probation. He subsequently made a videotaped apology and even traveled to South America to apologize to the cafeteria manager.

Our interest, of course, is police reports – and the report for Gatti’s assault-related arrest in May is worth reading: http://nyp.st/2920Hoc. Sentences are objective and professional, there’s no jargon, and I’m particularly impressed by the details in the report. The officer explains, for example, how he made the decision to confine Gatti under the terms of the Baker Act. Recommended reading!

Update: The UConn-owned Blue Oak Tavern is now serving patrons a dish called “Luke’s Macaroni and Cheese.” It features diced jalapeño peppers and applewood smoked bacon. The menu description says “Worth getting arrested for!”

A controversy is brewing about two Alabama football players – Cameron Robinson and Laurence “Hootie” Jones.” On May 17, six police officers found marijuana and weapons, including a stolen handgun, in a parked car. District Attorney Jerry Jones dropped the felony charges for lack of evidence. He also made this statement:

I want to emphasize once again that the main reason I’m doing this is that I refuse to ruin the lives of two young men who have spent their adolescence and teenage years, working and sweating, while we were all in the air conditioning.

The police reports – detailed, thorough, and professional – seem to indicate sufficient reason to charge Cameron Robinson and Laurence “Hootie” Jones.

You can read more at this link: http://www.hannapub.com/ouachitacitizen/news/crime/police-reports-dna-evidence-not-enough-for-da-in-alabama/article_56417ac0-3826-11e6-ab1c-f7e46192740c.html?utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=user-share

You can download and read the police reports online. They are well written and worth studying: http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/hannapub.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/f/f5/ff513e52-37fe-11e6-ad12-cbe4ad96c40f/5769bebe9e339.pdf.pdf

One supplemental report connected to this case raises a useful writing issue. Take a look at these two sentences:

I then holstered my weapon and advised the subject to not move and to keep his hands placed out of the window. I opened the backseat passenger door and advised the subject to lay flat on the ground.

I often tell officers not to use advise in their reports. These two sentences demonstrate the problem. If you look up advise in the dictionary, you’ll see that the first meaning is “counsel” or “suggest.” That’s how average citizens – the people who serve on juries – understand the word.

Was this officer suggesting that the passenger to keep still, keep his hands out the window, and lie on the floor? No. Those were orders.

What if the suspect had disobeyed, and the officer used force to gain control? A defense attorney could argue that the force wasn’t justified because the officer was only making suggestions.

Here’s my suggestion: Don’t use advise in a police report. Tell or said conveys your meaning much more clearly.

On June 24, Seahawks backup quarterback Tarvaris Jackson was arrested and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon in Kissimmee, Fla. The charge is a third-degree felony.

You can read the news story and police report at this link: http://www.seattletimes.com/sports/seahawks/report-former-seahawk-qb-tarvaris-jackson-arrested-for-allegedly-pulling-gun-on-woman/

Officers often ask me how to document offensive language in a police report. What if someone uses obscene or racist language? Should you try to clean it up?

The answer is no – you should record exactly what was said, even if some of the words are ugly. This report gets it right: You can read exactly what Jackson allegedly said to the woman at the scene.

This report has another impressive feature: The correct use of a semicolon with however. (Many people – not just officers – mistakenly use a comma instead.)

When asked if there was a firearm in the house Tarvaris stated that there is no gun; however, on the kitchen counter I observed a black Ruger 9mm caliber handgun.  CORRECT

I would recommend just one change in this report: Use “told me” or “said” instead of the jargonish advised, which should be reserved for situations in which you’re counseling someone.

                     Tavaris Jackson

In December 2003, police raided Neverland ranch, home of pop singer Michael Jackson, and searched for evidence of child molestation. Shortly afterwards, Jackson was officially charged with child molestation. Last week the Radar Online entertainment website released a previously unseen police report from the 2003 raid.

Family and fans of Jackson’s are asking why the report was released after so many years have passed. (Jackson was acquitted of all charges in 2005, and he died in 2009.) The officer who looked at the pictures declared in his report that they do not meet the definition of child pornography. He noted, however, that they might have been used to groom youngsters and desensitize them to sexual advances.

You can read the news story at this link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/everything-you-need-to-know-about-the-michael-jackson-police-report_us_576ad5d1e4b09926ce5d611b

You can download the police report and view some of the pictures that were found at this link: https://web.archive.org/web/20160621193645/http://radaronline.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/mj-docs.pdf

If you take the time to read the police report, you’ll notice the following features:

• the report is jargon-free and written in everyday language
• the officer cites his training when he evaluates the pictures
• the report is lengthy, objective, and thorough

Studying actual police reports – especially reports that exemplify professional practices – is an excellent way to sharpen your own writing skills. There’s much to learn from this report about Michael Jackson’s Neverland ranch.

         Michael Jackson

A student at Lynn University in Florida is having second thoughts about a rape allegation against another student. The alleged victim said she had been drinking heavily and may have consented to the sexual encounter. Friends and family pressured her to call police, but she later said she never intended for the alleged perpetrator to be charged with rape.

The incident (from September 2015) illustrates some of the complex issues that can arise when police investigate a rape allegation. An additional complication is that the student accused of rape says that he was prevented by the University from having a lawyer. (Lynn University denies that claim.)

One element in this incident stands out, however: The police report. The officer conducted a professional investigation, interviewing the victim and four other students. (Police were not able to locate the alleged rapist during the initial investigation.) The writing is clear and free of jargon, with one exception: The repeated misuse of advise. (Said or told is preferable.)

The report (which you can read here) is worth studying if you’re a recruit or officer who wants to learn more about  conducting and documenting an investigation of an alleged sexual assault.

The news story (which you can read at this link) can also be a useful starting point for a discussion of the challenges that can arise during a rape investigation.

Brock Turner is a former Stanford University swimming star who was accused of rape in January 2015. A storm of outrage greeted a judge’s decision to sentence Turner to six months in jail (with good behavior, he will probably serve only three months). You can read the latest developments – which include new discoveries about Turner’s past sexual behavior – at this link: http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-stanford-attack-20160610-snap-story.html

If you’re trying to learn how to write better reports, the initial police report in the Brock Turner case is worth reading: It is objective, thorough, and jargon free. It’s available at this link: http://www.documentcloud.org/documents/1532973-complaint-brock-turner.html. 

                  Brock Turner

In Chattanooga, Tennessee, a domestic violence case is making news. On May 20 Lacie Stone, senior advisor to Mayor Andy Berke, called police to say that her husband had assaulted her. When the police arrived, Robert Stone, her husband, claimed that she assaulted him. The couple had been arguing about Robert’s fears that Lacie was having an affair with the mayor.

Inconsistencies in the investigation have complicated the case, and Lacie returned to the police department later to make a detailed statement. You can read more at this link. 

Right now I want to focus on the initial police report. (You can download it at www.Scribd.com by using the search terms “Lacie Stone” and “police report.”) Here are three statements that I would recommend for revision. What changes would you make?

1.  The defendant stated he then grabbed the defendant by her belt while she was on the floor and drug her out the door and told her to leave.
2. Both the defendant and victim had evidence of injuries and damaged property to support the report.
3. Lacie Stone was leaving the house for the night and the defendant thew a rock through the back window of her SUV, shattering the window and damaging the window, the frame around the back window, and the back seat, the defendant reported that during the verbal argument, they had a physical altercation over the phone where he was struck in the forehead from her trying to keep her phone.

Here’s my evaluation:

1.  Instead of “the defendant,” I would use “Robert.” “Dragged” is more professional than “drug,” which is slang and not appropriate for an official police report.
2. “Evidence of injuries” is an opinion. In an objective police report, you should describe the injuries: “A bruise above her left eye,” “a three-inch scratch below his right elbow.”
3.  Two sentences are run together. A period after “back seat” will solve the problem:

Lacie Stone was leaving the house for the night and the defendant thew a rock through the back window of her SUV, shattering the window and damaging the window, the frame around the back window, and the back seat. The defendant reported that during the verbal argument, they had a physical altercation over the phone where he was struck in the forehead from her trying to keep her phone.

I’d also suggest writing the second sentence more efficiently. “Fight” is a better choice than “physical altercation,” and some of the other wording is unnecessary. Here’s a suggested revision:

Robert said that they were fighting about the phone. Lacie struck him in the forehead while she was trying to pull the phone away from him.