Jon “Bones” Jones is widely regarded as the best mixed martial arts fighter in the world and one of the greatest fighters of all time. On April 26, he was involved in a three-car accident that involved a pregnant woman whose injuries included a broken arm. Police say Jon Jones fled the scene, and they confirmed that they found marijuana inside his car.

Witnesses said they saw an African-American man leave his car, return to grab a handful of cash, run away again and hop a fence. An off-duty police officer recognized the man as Jon Jones. A felony arrest warrant was issued, and Jones surrendered to authorities. He is now out on bail. You can read recent developments here.

MMAmania has obtained the police report, which you can read here. It is worth reading: objective, thorough, and jargon-free. (What a pleasure to read a report that consistently uses “stated” instead of the jargonish “advised”!)

But the report would be more efficient if some of the information was listed instead of written out in repetitious sentences. Here’s a paragraph that could have been written in bullet style: 

The driver of vehicle 3 got out and left running. Witnesses stated the driver of vehicle 3 exited after hitting the Honda and was identified as a black male, wearing a white button up shirt with dark pants, and ran onto a hill just east of the accident. Witnesses stated he slouched over and ran back to the vehicle grabbing a large handful of cash. Witnesses stated he shoved the cash into his pants and ran north jumping the fence in Terracita.

Here’s the same information in bullet style:

Witnesses and drivers from both vehicles stated that the driver of vehicle 3:

   -was a black male wearing a white button-up shirt and dark pants

   -left his car after hitting the Honda

   -ran onto a hill just east of the accident

   -slouched over and ran back to his car

   -grabbed a large handful of cash and shoved it into his pants

   -ran north and jumped a fence in Terracita

Overall, however, this is an excellent report. (You can watch a short video about using  bullet style in police reports here).

Here’s an unusual story: On January 8, a Florida mother drove about 540 yards with her son on the hood of her car. He had jumped onto the hood to keep her from driving off, and she thought that starting the car would prompt him to jump off and, incidentally, teach him a lesson.

It’s not clear whether the experience taught him anything, but he didn’t jump off, and she was arrested.

You can read the police report at this link: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/bad-parents/juvenile-hood-ornament-897631. Suggestion: Read the report, evaluate it, and then scroll down to read my comments.

Here’s what I thought when I read it:

Overall, this is a well-organized and thorough report. Most sentences are written clearly, in normal English.

Suggestions:

• Avoid unnecessary jargon. “Saw” is quicker to write than “observed”; “house” is better than “residence”; “told” is better than “advised.”
• Use “she” instead of repeating “Officer Guerra” and “Tojuana.”
• Avoid repetition. Take a look at these two sentences:

Winter Springs Code Enforcement Officer Terri Guerra, observed a black male juvenile male on top of a black Mazda while in movement on N Moss Road. Code Enforcement Officer Guerra advised over the radio the incident she was observing.  WORDY

It would be more efficient to write:

Winter Springs Code Enforcement Officer Terri Guerra radioed that she saw a black male juvenile male on top of a black Mazda moving on N Moss Road.  BETTER

Here’s a good rule of thumb: If a word or phrase doesn’t add anything useful, don’t use it.

Efficiency is an important issue for busy police officers. Wordy reports waste time, and unnecessary repetition doesn’t add anything useful.

Here’s an example of a thorough and professional report that’s more wordy than necessary: https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/1301216-judge-police-report.html

How would you write it more efficiently? (Remember, you don’t want to omit any information.) After you’ve read and evaluated this report, read on for my suggestions.

Suggestions:

1. Use bullets. 
2. Remember that you’re not writing a novel! Record only what’s necessary.
3. Use simple language (“I” rather than “myself,” for example).
4. Omit the introductory sentence, which restates information already recorded on the report form. (Note: Some agencies still require officers to duplicate this information. Follow your agency’s requirements.)
5. Use a separate paragraph for each person you talked to (TSA Manager, Trooper Durant, suspect, alleged victim), and another paragraph for your own investigation (viewing the security video).

Here’s an example of how the report could be rewritten:

An excerpt from the original report:

When I arrived, I was approached by TSA Manager Daniel Winship and he told me that a passenger reported to him that her watch was stolen. He handed me a photograph taken from security video of an older Caucasian woman with brown hair, wearing dark clothing and a bright colored scarf. The woman was holding what appeared to be a watch in her right hand. Winship told me that he checked the video and observed the person In the photograph taking a watch from one of the bins and placing it in her carry-on bag. I asked him about the Identity of the victim and he told me that he asked her to remain in the area.

Revision:

TSA Manager Daniel Winship showed me a photograph taken from security video of an older Caucasian woman with brown hair, wearing dark clothing and a bright colored scarf. The woman was holding what appeared to be a watch in her right hand.

Winship told me he had:

• viewed a security video showing the woman taking a watch from one of the bins and placing it in her carry-on bag
• identified and interviewed the woman
• asked her to remain in the area 

Under another heading the officer could record the suspect’s statement. Breaking up the report this way helps ensure that nothing is omitted – and makes the report easier to review later if further action is needed.

Each step in the investigation (finding the victim, interviewing her, watching the security video, allowing the suspect to board her flight, etc.) can be documented the same way.

Result: A more efficient report.

Many officers find it helpful to think about four types of reports when they sit down to write. (You can view a simple chart explaining the four types at this link.)

Here’s a situation to evaluate. What kind of report is this – 1, 2, 3, or 4?

Some background: Ed FitzGerald is the Democratic candidate for governor of Ohio, running against Republican John Kasich. (You can read the full story here.)

At 4:30 a.m. on October 13, 2012, someone spotted FitzGerald and a woman in a nearly vacant parking lot. Police were called to investigate, found nothing wrong, and left. The story came out last week and has raised questions about FitzGerald’s character (he’s married to another woman).

FitzGerald says the Republican party is adopting “sleazy” tactics to discredit him in the upcoming election.

Our focus here is on the police report. Which type is it – and why? After you’ve read the report, scroll down for the answer.

Here’s the FitzGerald report:

 Answer: This is a Type 1 report – the simplest kind. The officer simply recorded the facts. No arrest or intervention was needed.

Note also that this is an effective report. It’s brief, objective, and complete. (Of course it would be better to have spelled out “reports”!) There’s no jargon.

Well done!