On January 18, a man in a Mesa, Arizona hotel was fatally shot by a police officer. The man had been showing friends a pellet gun and pointed it out an open window. The officer has been charged with second-degree murder. You can read the entire story at this link.

The incident report has been released, and you can read it by clicking here. 

It’s well written: Thorough, objective, and professional. There are only a few writing problems – remarkable in such a lengthy report.

Since this blog is about tips for better writing, I want to look at one paragraph and suggest some changes. First, read it yourself and see if you would recommend any revisions:

Myself and fellow detectives called to the scene for the investigation were advised Mesa Police had received a “Subject with a Gun” call at 2114 hours at the La Quinta Inn. Officers arrived on scene at 2121 hours. Call comments stated a male subject(s) had been pointing a rifle out of a fifth floor window. The call was dispatched as a Priority E (Emergency) call due to the allegation of someone displaying a firearm from room #502.

Here are my suggestions:

• Change “Myself and fellow detectives” to “Fellow detectives and I” (Never use myself this way).
• “were advised” is jargon. Advise means “counsel” or “recommend.” Use told.
• There’s repetition in the last sentence: “due to the allegation of someone displaying a firearm from room #502.” The reason for dispatching police is already clear from the previous sentence. Strive to write reports as efficiently as possible.

Every officer should develop the habit of reading of reading police reports written by other officers (they’re often posted online). You’ll develop an eye for good writing and the ability to find and correct mistakes.

These skills are especially useful if you’re hoping for a promotion. The time to develop good writing and thinking habits is now – so that you’re prepared when an opportunity for advancement comes your way.