On January 17, 2023, police in Raleigh, North Carolina, tased a suspect who died minutes later.

You can read the story, including the police report, at this link: https://abc11.com/5-day-report-death-in-custody-raleigh-police-darryl-williams/12727658/

I’ve posted part of the police report below . (Because the case is under investigation, I’m not going to comment on the tasing.)

Imagine for a moment that you were a police administrator. How would you assess the quality of the writing?

Robinson approached a vehicle in the parking lot. He noticed two people in the front of the vehicle, and the passenger opened their door as he approached. Inside the car, Robinson said he saw bottles of alcohol and marijuana. He asked both people to get out of the car, and he radioed for assistance.

Robinson said he found a folded-up dollar bill in the pocket of the man who was sitting in the driver’s seat of the vehicle, later identified as Darryl Williams. The dollar bill appeared to have cocaine on it, so Robinson decided to arrest Williams on possession of a controlled substance.

When Robinson told Williams to put his hands behind his back, Williams resisted. Other officers then arrived to help try and put Williams into handcuffs.

What did you think?

Here’s my assessment: the writing is excellent. Sentences are short, clear, and natural. There’s no police jargon and no passive voice.

I would question only one part of one sentence: “The dollar bill appeared to have cocaine on it.” I would prefer a more detailed description: “Officer Robinson saw white powder on the dollar bill.”

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