I’ve just had an article about report writing published in Standards and Training Director Magazine!
Click here to read the whole article (it’s short!) on pages 21-22: “Practical Strategies for Better Police Reports.”
The Sherman Police Department in Texas just released the summary of a police report about a theft. It’s a well-written and very professional summary (not a police report).
Here’s a challenge for you: Find five passive-voice sentences and change them to active voice. I’ve posted the answers below.
On June 4, 2021, Sherman Police Department received a phone call regarding a theft in progress in the 600 block of North Creek Drive. The suspect fled in truck. The vehicle was stopped by responding officers. The driver was detained. Upon officer’s arrival, it was found that the suspect had left the store with over one thousand dollars worth of copper material and other merchandise. The suspect was arrested for theft of material aluminum/bronze/copper/brass under $20K. Robinson was booked into the Grayson County Jail.
Here are the five passive-voice sentences and the active-voice versions:
1.
The vehicle was stopped by responding officers. PASSIVE
Responding officers stopped the vehicle. ACTIVE
2.
The driver was detained. PASSIVE
Officer Curry detained the driver. ACTIVE
3.
Upon officer’s arrival, it was found that the suspect had left the store with over one thousand dollars worth of copper material and other merchandise. PASSIVE
I learned that the suspect had left the store with over one thousand dollars worth of copper material and other merchandise. ACTIVE
4.
The suspect was arrested for theft of material aluminum/bronze/copper/brass under $20K. PASSIVE
I arrested the suspect for theft of material aluminum/bronze/copper/brass under $20K. ACTIVE
5.
Robinson was booked into the Grayson County Jail. PASSIVE
I booked Robinson into the Grayson County Jail. ACTIVE
How did you do?
Do you think this activity will help you avoid passive voice in the future? Great!
This short quiz will help you sharpen your writing skills. Answers are posted below.
Part I: Correct the errors in these sentences. Some sentences may have more than one error.
1. Mike Worley told me that the Johnson’s often have loud parties at their home.
2. Many residents say that speeding cars are there principle concern.
3. I spoke to a women who lives on Acre Lane.
Part 2: Rewrite this sentence to make it more concise:
Mr. Franker expressed to me that is now a manager of the Better Athletes store on Fifth Street.
ANSWERS
Part I:
1. Mike Worley told me that the Johnsons often have loud parties at their home. [The apostrophe is wrong. Use apostrophes only in “of” expressions: Mr. Johnson’s car.]
2. Many residents say that speeding cars are their [not there] principal [not principle] concern.
3. I spoke to a woman [not women] who lives on Acre Lane.
Part 2:
Mr. Franker told me that he’s a manager at the Better Athletes store on Fifth Street.
My friend Coach Sokolove sent me a link to an article that has some terrific writing advice for a special group of criminal justice professionals: men and women in leadership positions.
Let me add another group: any officer who wants to be a leader.
The article explains how a simple tool – an empty notebook – can help you sharpen your thinking and writing skills. And that’s just the beginning! Highly recommended. Click this link to get started:
https://www.officer.com/command-hq/article/21139494/the-art-of-journaling-for-leaders
Baltimore Ravens lineman D.J. Fluker has allegedly been a repeated victim of domestic abuse, according to police documents. Fluker has had a long-term relationship with Kimberly Davis. They have a child together.
Davis was arrested on July 13 after she allegedly punched Fluker in the nose.
You can learn more here: https://foxbaltimore.com/sports/baltimore-ravens/police-baltimore-ravens-dj-fluker-a-victim-of-domestic-violence
You can read excerpts from the report below. My comments and suggestions follow.
Here’s what I noticed:
Here’s a more concise version of the report:
I met with Danny Fluker. He told me he was arguing about events on social media with his girlfriend, Kimberly Davis. She struck him in the nose with her closed fist. This was not the first time she assaulted him. I saw dried blood coming from his nose. I did not take pictures.
I met with Jacob Rice, a close friend of Danny and Kimberly. He lives with them. He saw Kimberly strike Danny. He filled out a witness statement.
I met with Kimberly Davis. She told me she poked Danny in the nose during the argument. She was angry because he said she was a bad mother to their child, Kasrielle Fluker. She did not mean to cause harm or injury. Her fingernails could have accidentally scratched his nose and caused the bleeding.
Danny and Kimberly have lived together for three years and have one child in common.
In June 2016, an Iowa man named Dusten Kemp threatened to shoot a Domino’s Pizza delivery driver. You can read the affidavit below. (To learn more about the incident, click here.)
This is a well written narrative – efficient, objective, and thorough.
I’m especially impressed that the officer who wrote it put the periods inside the quotation marks. Many writers don’t know how to punctuate quotations – but this officer did it correctly.
Still, this is a good opportunity to look at some writing issues.
1. Take a look at this sentence:
When the delivery driver arrived at the address given and turned the pizza’s over, the driver stated that the defendant was drunk and took his clothes off.
Here’s how the sentence could have been written:
When the driver arrived at the address, he saw that Kemp was drunk and had taken his clothes off.
2. This sentence should be more specific: what threats did Kemp make? And you should use Kemp’s name, not the subject. Aim to make your reports easy for others to read.
He stated that the subject then grabbed his arm and made several threats about them messing up his order. VAGUE
Smith said, “Kemp grabbed my arm and threatened to kill me because of last night’s mistake.” BETTER
3. The report could be written more efficiently. Nowadays officers have laptops with spaces for the date, time, and address. Don’t waste time repeating information you’ve already recorded.
Here’s how the beginning of the report could have been written:
We arrived at Domino’s Pizza and questioned Kemp and Smith. Smith works for Domino’s Pizza delivering pizzas. Kemp is a Domino’s customer.
Kemp said that last night he ordered a Domino’s pizza. The driver made a mistake with the delivery. Domino’s promised to send a free pizza tonight.
Smith said he arrived at Kemp’s home with a free pizza. Kemp was drunk and not wearing clothing. Smith said, “Kemp grabbed my arm and threatened to kill me because of last night’s mistake.” BETTER
Overall, however, it’s an excellent report.
This short quiz will help you sharpen your writing skills. Answers are posted below.
Part I Correct the errors in the sentences below.
1. Peyton said, “I didn’t put anything into her drink”.
2. Several of us have been studing hard for the sergeants’ exam next month.
3. Captain Fillmore updated us about COVID-19 recommendations, then she answered our questions.
Part II Read the two sentences below. Then choose the best response: a, b, or c.
#1 I ascertained that the aforementioned Stanley Willis was in fact the same person named as responsible for the damage to the car owned by the person who reported the incident, namely Gail Albertson.
#2 Gail Albertson told me that Stanley Willis had damaged her car.
a) #1 has more useful information
b) #2 has more useful information
c) #3 both have the same amount of useful information
ANSWERS
Part I Correct the errors in the sentences below.
1. Peyton said, “I didn’t put anything into her drink.” [In the US, periods and commas always go inside quotation marks. There are no exceptions.]
2. Several of us have been studying hard for the sergeants’ exam next month. [studying, not studing]
3. Captain Fillmore updated us about COVID-19 recommendations, and then she answered our questions. [You can’t join two sentences with then. Use and then, along with a comma.]
Part II Read the two sentences below. Then choose the best response: a, b, or c.
a) I ascertained that the aforementioned Stanley Willis was in fact the same person named as responsible for the damage to the car owned by the person who reported the incident, namely Gail Albertson.
b) Gail Albertson told me that Stanley Willis had damaged her car.
a) #1 has more useful information
b) #2 has more useful information
c) #3 both have the same amount of useful information:
Sentence #2 is a better choice for a police report. Short, factual sentences save time for everyone.
How did you do?
Effective police reports are the result of several factors: good academy training, lots of practice, and a desire to keep learning.
Sometimes, though, it’s small changes that add up to success. Here are a few practical tips. Is there an idea in this list that you can start using?
Don’t feel overwhelmed – you don’t have to do all of them at once! Pick one, and get started today. You’ll be surprised by the improvement in your reports!
I used to work with an academy instructor who had a great system for teaching report writing. I learned a lot from her!
One thing she often said to nervous students has really stayed with me: Do each part of the report separately.
Very often police calls are stressful. You might have to talk to several people to figure out what happened.
My colleague always warned academy students not to try to tell the story all at once, in one big ball. Have a separate paragraph for each person you talked to.
Here’s a true story we used when we taught together. A toddler was enrolled in a preschool program. His classroom was on the second floor of a school building.
A young man walking a dog near the school looked up and saw the boy hanging from a window. The man talked to a para-professional, who told the principal, who called 911. By the time the officer arrived, the child was standing up. He had fallen onto a pile of dirt from a chicken coop on the school grounds.
Whew.
The only part you witnessed firsthand was seeing the child on the pile of dirt. How do you write all of this in a report?
Here’s an excerpt from the narrative of the actual report:
Event #07779 in summary, responded to a call of a child who had fallen from a second story window at the Oscar Mayer School located at 2250 N. Clifton. R/O was met by the principal X who related that she had been alerted by X (Para-professional) at the school that a student was hanging from a second story window located in Classroom #213. X had been outside with a group of students and had been alerted by a young male walking his dog by the school that the victim was hanging out of the window.
Here’s an alternative that I think is better. Notice that in my version, I omitted the school address. It would already be recorded on your laptop. (I’ve also invented the names in the report.)
Notice too that I kept my sentences short. The first sentence in the actual report (above) has 63 words. There’s no reason to cram that much information into one sentence!
On December 8 I responded to a call about a child who had fallen from a second story window at the Oscar Mayer School. I saw the child, Herbert Callon, with a paraprofessional, Mary Jones.
I checked Herbert for injuries and saw that he wasn’t seriously hurt. I called for an ambulance to take him to Lurie’s Children Hospital for further examination.
I spoke to the principal, Catherine Flaherty. She told me that a young man named Frank Maserty was walking his dog past the school. He heard a child’s voice and looked up. He saw a little boy hanging out of a second-floor window.
Frank saw Mary Jones with a group of children on the school playground. He ran over to Mary and pointed to the little boy. They both saw the little boy fall onto a pile of dirt from a chicken coop on the school grounds.
Mary checked the little boy, Herbert Callon, and then took him to the principal’s office. The principal called 911.
Back to my teaching colleague. She used to remind academy students that a police report is just a story. Take it in small parts, use your thinking skills, and you’ll do fine.
This short quiz will help you sharpen your writing skills. Answers are posted below.
PART 1 Correct the errors in the sentences below.
PART 2
Imagine that you’ve met with Officer Josephson to talk about his inappropriate language with women. Now you’re going to document the meeting and include a sentence like the ones below. Read the sentences below, and then choose a, b, or c.
a) #1 is the better choice for criminal justice writing.
b) #2 is the better choice for criminal justice writing.
c) Both sentences are appropriate for criminal justice writing.
ANSWERS
PART 1
PART 2
The correct answer is b. #2 is a better sentence because told is stronger than advised.
Advise is too weak for this situation. It means “to counsel” or “suggest.” You want a written record that you told Josephson what he needed to do.
