Herschel Walker is a former candidate for the US Senate and a renowned football player. Back in 2001, police filed a police report about Walker’s involvement in a domestic dispute. You can read more (including the entire report) here.

The police report is thorough, objective, and…wordy. (Click the link to see what you think of it.)

Suppose you were the reporting officer. Your shift is at least 8 hours long – perhaps 12 hours. There’s a lot to do. Put a √ before the information you would include in your report. Put an X before anything you would omit:

___I went to the address listed on the form I filled out.
___Walker’s girlfriend invited me to come in and talk to her.
___She and Walker had an off-and-on relationship for 20 years.

Here are my answers:
X I went to the address listed on the form I filled out.
X Walker’s girlfriend invited me to come in and talk to her.
√ She and Walker had an off-and-on relationship for 20 years.

It’s not just that the officer wasted time. Everyone who has read that report (which is still of interest, more than 20 years later) wasted precious minutes reading information that was obvious.

Of course the officer went to the listed address. Where else would he have gone? Of course Walker’s girlfriend agreed to talk to the officer: everything she said is right there in the report!

I often talk to police administrators who shake their heads over the wordiness in police writing. But when I ask what they’re doing about it, they look surprised. Isn’t it the officer’s problem?

No. It’s a training problem, and the solution is a simple one:

1. Emphasize critical thinking. That means teaching cadets (and reminding sworn officers) the difference between information that matters – and information that doesn’t.
2. Refuse to accept wordy reports. Nobody enjoys writing police reports! And nobody wants to rewrite a report. You get what you ask for!

Photo by Michael Kaplan, CC License

Last week I warned you against the dangers of passive voice (“The suspect was patted down”). Today I’m going to give you a professional tip. There’s one situation when passive voice is useful: when something happened – and you don’t know who did it.

The crime scene was compromised. PASSIVE VOICE (effective: You don’t know who compromised it)

The house was entered through the unlocked back door. PASSIVE VOICE (effective: You don’t know who entered)

Bottom line: When you know who did what, use active voice. Or – to restate the handy rule I gave you last week – start every sentence in your reports with a person, place, or thing UNLESS you don’t know who did the action.

Here’s a simple way to improve your reports: Use active voice whenever possible.

I tested the doorway for fingerprints. ACTIVE VOICE

The doorway was tested for fingerprints by me. PASSIVE VOICE

When I do writing workshops, cops often tell me that passive voice is necessary for accuracy and objectivity. Really?

Let’s try a scenario. An officer is investigating a burglary. She goes into the bedroom and sees a beautiful ring on the nightstand. She realizes that the homeowner will probably think the burglar took the ring. What an opportunity! She pockets the ring.

Later the officer gets out her laptop and starts writing her report. She writes, “The bedroom was entered by this officer.” Typing those words transforms her into an honest person, and she returns the ring.

Ridiculous, isn’t it?

Suppose, though, you’re an officer who happens to like passive voice. You’re old-school, and that’s how you were taught to write. Why change?

Three reasons:

• You want your writing to sound up-to-date and professional. Bygone terminology dates you.
• Passive voice takes longer to write and to read. It’s going to slow you down if you’ve had a busy shift or you have a great deal of paperwork to review before a court hearing.
• Passive voice creates confusion. Suppose you’re testifying in court and the question of Miranda rights comes up. “Who read Johnson his rights?” asks the attorney. “It says in your report that Johnson was Mirandized, but it doesn’t say who did it.”
  You gulp. You suddenly realize that the other officer at the scene, Joe McDonald, read Johnson his rights. Unfortunately McDonald isn’t in court today. The hearing has to be postponed until McDonald can testify.
  You could have avoided that embarrassing mistake if you’d used active voice: “Officer Joe McDonald used his Miranda card to advise Johnson of his rights.”

Here are a couple of pointers:

• Active voice tells who did what: The burglar pried open the door.
• Passive voice often uses by: The door was pried open by the burglar.

Note: Not all “was” and “-ing” words signify passive voice. These sentences are active voice:

Linda was washing her car. ACTIVE VOICE

The mayor was exploring a new approach to the problem. ACTIVE VOICE

Here are passive-voice versions of these sentences:

The car was being washed by Linda. PASSIVE VOICE

A new approach to the problem was explored by the mayor. PASSIVE VOICE

I encourage you to listen to a podcast from Street Cop Training by Mark Tagliareni and Sean Grogan: Episode 738: Describing Body Language in a Report.

Click here to listen.

You’ll hear two experienced cops thinking aloud about some of the challenges that they face when they write their police reports. It’s a rare opportunity to hear the critical thinking processes required for effective reports.

A bonus  is that the podcast focuses a lot of attention on preparing for a court appearance – an aspect of law enforcement that doesn’t receive a lot of attention.

Highly recommended!

I often hear from academy instructors and agency officials who worry about the poorly written reports that come across their desks. What is to be done with a cadet or officer who writes a sentence like this one?

Four CDs were recovered from the defendant, which he had conceal those items by stuffing them inside his jacket.

This sentence (it’s real, by the way) is disastrously wrong.  It’s hard to believe this person is capable of ever writing a competent report.

So: what advice would you give the person who wrote it – and the concerned instructor or supervisor who read it?

Here’s my advice. First – and this may surprise you – there’s no need to panic. Very likely the writer was simply trying too hard to sound sophisticated.

Second, there’s a cure: Write short, straightforward sentences. I have never – in all my years of experience – met a cadet or officer who couldn’t meet that requirement.

Forget about trying to impress others with complicated syntax. Make each fact a separate sentence, like this:

I recovered four CDs from the defendant. He had stuffed them inside his jacket.  CORRECT

I found four CDs stuffed inside the defendant’s jacket.  CORRECT

Here’s my advice to anyone who’s nervous about report writing: Write shorter sentences. Start each one with a person, place, or thing. (In a police report, it’s usually best to start with a person.)

You’ll be surprised how many problems disappear with that simple strategy!

This short quiz will help you sharpen your writing skills. Answers are posted below.

Part 1  Correct the English usage errors in these sentences. (Some sentences may not have errors.)

a) Lisa’s mother told me she was watching TV when the electricity suddenly went off.
b)  I questioned he and his wife separately.
c)  Grogan refused to except any help from his daughter.

Part 2   Which sentence is appropriate for a police report? Choose one answer.

a)  I arrived at the scene.
b)  I saw a bruise on Wagner’s right forearm.
c)  I did not believe what Wagner was telling me.

ANSWERS

Part 1 

√  a) Lisa’s mother told me she was watching TV when the electricity suddenly went off.  CORRECT
X  b)  I questioned him and his wife separately.  [You wouldn’t say “I questioned he,” would you? Trust your eyes and ears. If a short sentence is right, the longer sentence will be right too.]
X  c)  Grogan refused to accept any help from his daughter.  [Except means but. It’s the wrong word in this sentence.]

Part 2   Which sentence is appropriate for a police report? Choose one answer.

√ a)  I arrived at the scene.
√ b)  I saw a bruise on Wagner’s right forearm.
X c)  I did not believe what Wagner was telling me. [Opinions don’t belong in a police report. Just state the facts.]

How did you do?

This sentence from a police report has two problems. Can you spot them?

The suspect then entered the store, the surveillance does not show the suspect placing items in his backpack; however, footage shows Smith approaching the suspect at approximately 2027  hours.

1. There’s too much information crammed into the sentence. In police reports, short sentences are almost always better than long ones. (That’s often true of other writing tasks as well.)

What do you gain by writing a long, sophisticated sentence? Nothing – and you run the risk of errors. (If you noticed the comma splice, congratulations! There should be a period after entered the store.)

2. 2027 hours is NOT an approximate time. It’s exact. Use “approximate” only with rounded off times: “about 2030 hours.”

Here’s my version. I deleted however even though it’s correct. It’s another complication you don’t need. Crisp, simple sentences are your best choices for police reports.

The suspect entered the store. The surveillance does not show the suspect placing items in his backpack. Footage shows Smith approaching the suspect at 2027  hours.

_________________________________________________________

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Here’s today’s Quiz! Answers appear below.

PART ONE  What essential information is missing from the sentences below? (Hint: both sentences have the same problem.)

1. A sworn written and taped statement was completed and submitted into evidence. 

2. Nothing was found when the car was searched.

PART TWO  Remove the unneeded words in the sentences below.

1. Upon my arrival, I entered the manager’s office and looked for Carl Stokes, who told me he noticed the safe was open when he arrived for work at eight o’clock.

2.  I saw evidence that confirmed Naomi’s complaint about Fulton – namely fresh scratches on her right cheek and bruising on her left arm.

ANSWERS

PART ONE  Look for the unnecessary words.

Neither sentence names the person who submitted the evidence and searched the car. What if there are questions later on, in a court case? There’s no written record of who did what.

PART TWO  Remove the unneeded words in the sentences below.

1. Carl Stokes told me he noticed the safe was open when he arrived for work at eight o’clock. [It’s obvious you arrived, parked your car, and looked for the manager. Brevity is an important feature of police writing.]

2.  I saw fresh scratches on Naomi’s right cheek and bruising on her left arm. 

How did you do?